Sorry, Phils

Enjoy it now, lads

Dear Philadelphia Phillies,

Congratulations! As I write this, you are on the cusp of beating the Dodgers to caputre your first National League pennant since 1993. I personally think you're going to do it. (Please don't beat to me to death in an abandoned warehouse if things don't work out).

Unfortunately, your probable victory over Hell-A is where the good news ends. Because you are going to meet the Tampa Bay Rays, and this is going to go badly for you.

The Rays are currently beating the Red Sox 11-2 in game 4 of the ALCS, on their way to taking a 3-1 series lead. Everyone keeps talking about how the Sox overcame a 3-1 deficit in last year's ALCS, but trust me - this series is over. The Sox pitchers couldn't find home plate with a GPS right now, and their batters looks like they're trying to swing telephone poles. The Rays on the other hand, look the frickin' 1927 Yankees. Nope, no comeback this year.

Honestly, around the time the Rays scored their tenth run, a sort of Zen came over me. (This was, admitedly, also around the time I ran out of swear words). But really, all I ever wanted out of the Red Sox my whole life was a World Series win, and they gave me two. And there's always last year. Let the Rays have their fun. I'll be right back there for my Sox the minute pitchers and catchers report next winter. I think other Sox fans will do the same. We're fat and happy right now.

But you, my dear Phillies, are in for a rough road.

Philadelphia fans are like Boston fans without the class.* Have you ever looked into their eyes? They're like wounded animals trying to bite their leg out of a trap. They're full of fear, anger and a hatred of all that's beautiful. This is mostly a result of watching the Eagles every year, but since most Eagles fans are also Phillies fans, the mentality carries over.

If the Phillies lose to the Rays in the World Series - the ten year old, just finished over .500 for the first time Rays - Philadelphia fans just might tear them apart right there on the field of Citizen's Bank Park. I can see it now: The Rays will be in the locker room spraying champagne. Fox reporters will be whooping it up with them, when the camera will cut to the Phillie's dugout for loser reaction. There, a grim faced sideline reporter, her hair caked with blood, will stammer, "They...They just kept coming. They wouldn't stop. Bare teeth...ripping jerseys...the Phanatic! Dear God, the poor, poor Phanatic!"

Since I started this post, the Rays have put up two more runs. They're not only for real, they're merciless. And they're coming for you, Phillies. Don't say you weren't warned.

Yours in pre-expansion preference,

Liz

*Before you Philistines fill our comment sections with derogatory braying against Sox fans, please note this is called "a joke."

It's so easy to fall in hate

It’s strange, being hated for your success. But you learn to manage.

With the Red Sox entering the ALCS for the second year in a row, the Haterade is flowing like champagne in a winner’s locker room. People are grousing about how spoiled and entitled Boston fans have become, even throwing around comparisons to Yankees fans. **Shudder**

They’re not wrong. Boston fans, with the recent success of the Patriots, Celtics, and of course, Sox, have been spoiled rotten this decade. And from what I hear, the crowds back in the Big B are becoming entitled boors. From the perspective of those us who aren’t total bandwagoners, it feels warranted to an extent, since our teams sucked for so long, but I know no one else sees it this way (just look at the comments on this post).

This isn’t a whiny, “We won and now we’ve lost our identity” kind of post. Believe me, I would much rather be hated for winning than pitied and made fun of for losing (ask any Cubs fan). And I totally get why a lot of people are supporting the Tampa Bay Rays in the ALCS: If they were playing any other team I’d cheer for them too. I’m a huge supporter of getting new blood in the baseball playoffs. I won’t even make fun of their fans in their TB caps so new the bill isn’t even curved, because I know a team’s gotta win a bit before people will care.

I just think its fascinating, and a little bit amusing, how easy it is for a team to get hated these days. You used to have to win at least a dozen championships. Now, in this world so short on attention and perspective that we need a show to recap what happened the previous week, all it takes is two.

Someone should tell Raider fans how easy it is. They could save a lot of time and money by shirking those adorable costumes and donating money to a the front office so it can buy a defense.

And it's not even pink!

I'm having hat issues.

As all 9 of our readers know, I grew up in the Boston area and am a huge Red Sox fan. But I've been living in San Diego for 3 years now, and since I'm here, I go to a lot of Padres games. The Padres play in the National League, and lately have been pretty terrible, so I didn't have much of quandry about cheering for them. The one time they played the Sox in interleague, I rooted for close games, ultimately won by the Sox.

But on Friday night, I took it to a new level. I bought a Padres hat. It looks like the one pictured above, except instead of a white front, it that "sand" color of the Pads away uniforms. It cost about $25 and fits my head like a glove.

I wore it the next morning on a coffee run, and instantly felt weird about it. Like I was cheating. Now its sitting on top of my dresser, taunting me. A harlot trying to temp me away from my myriad Red Sox caps.

Did I make a huge mistake? Am I just an over-analytical freak? Are you really still reading this? I can't decide if I've made commited a huge act of betrayal or not here. Help me Pink Hat Nation, you're my only hope.

Adiosito, Manolito

And so the Manny Ramirez Era in Boston comes to an end, in a fashion that seemingly mirrors the man himself: Confusing, dramatic, and with a total screw job for the Pittsburgh Pirates.




OK, so Manny's career has never had anything to do with the Pirates, but they did seem to get the raw end of this deal. About 40 minutes after the trade deadline Thursday, it was announced that Manny is headed to LA LA Land to play for the Dodgers, the Sox get Jason Bay, and the Pirates get Andy LaRoche and a mess of prospects.


Honestly, I'm OK with it. I was there when Manny hit his first homerun as Red Sox: It was the Fenway home opener in 2001, and he hit the first pitch he saw over the Green Monster for (if I remember right) a three run shot. It was against the Devil Rays, and it helped give the Sox a win on a spectacularly cold and rainy day. Ahh, Boston baseball.


But as awesome as Manny had been - his World Series MVP, his terrific ability to hit Mariano Rivera, his goofy hijinks like taking a leak inside the Monster in the middle of a game - it was time for him to go. For every fun "Manny being Manny" moment, there was also an increasing number of not-so-fun moment, like when he pushed down the team's traveling secretary, and possibly intentionally struck out in a key spot against the Yankees. He wasn't happy, and his disposition appeared to be leaking into the rest of the clubhouse.


Now he's gone, and while Jason Bay will never be as good as Manny, his numbers for the next few years could potentially be as good as what Manny will put up in the next few season, since Manny is getting older and Bay is entering his prime. I think its a rare example where 70 cents on the dollar might be the best move for a team.


As for you Padres fans who read the site (you're out there right? I've heard rumors) well, sorry.

In other trade news:

- The ChiSox got Ken Griffey, Jr.

- The Yankees got Pudge Rodriguez (don't ask why this is a Canadian source)

- And the Padres are bringing back The San Diego Chicken!

Just so we're clear

What? We was just playin'. Hey, I'm Manny!

If you want to physically abuse a high-ranking member of the front office staff, you need to have at least 500 homeruns or a World Series MVP award. Otherwise, that kind of thing will get you fired.

Good to know. Good to know.

I hate my life.

Lester pitches no-hitter. Makes you feel even lazier.

Less than two years ago, Jon Lester was 22 and diagnosed with cancer. Last night, he pitched a no-hitter.

Less than two years ago, I was perfectly healthy and spent a lot of time watching TV. Last night, I ate a hamburger. It really makes you think.

Congratulations, Jon!

Hell no, they won't go!*

Update: *Actually, they will go. Since the original post, a deal was reached and the Sox are playing in Japan. Also, apparently it was MLB that did the reneging, not the Sox brass. Woops.


The Boston Red Sox, like the teams that played in Japan last year, have been whining and moaning about having to go to the Land of the Rising Sun for their home opener since it was announced they’d been selected to go. So when I read a headline this morning that the Sox were considering boycotting the trip, I rolled my eyes and prepared to be embarrassed by the 25 millionaires I root for, suspecting they were boycotting the trip because it’ll interfere with their preparation routine of stretching, running, and shot-gunning Natty Ice.

So I was pleasantly surprised to read that the players are actually boycotting for a really good reason: the team’s management is apparently reneging on a promise to pay coaches and trainers a $40,000 stipend to make the trip.

According to some of the players, the organization promised everyone – including the players – would get this stipend, but it then turned out the coaches and training staff will not. So the Sox have refused to start their final spring training game, and are threatening to boycott the Japan trip.

I’m on the record as having really mixed feelings about the Sox organization – the higher ups in the front office. They brought us two championships so I can’t hate, but they are greedy little stinkers. If they did in fact promise money to coaches and staff and now they’re reneging, that’s pretty low. No matter how much these guys make.

There's Only One Rock-tober!

The World Series starts tonight. I still can't believe the Red Sox pulled it off, but looks like my predictions were right (well, the ones I made all the way back on October 9th...I can only peer into the future so far people!) It's the Rockies' to lose. Should be interesting to see how cold it gets in Denver, how loud it gets in Fenway and how weird Papelbon can be.

I'll be rooting for the NL because the AL is full of fat, rich, lazy guys who don't even have to play a field position if they can hit well enough. In the NL, we make our fat, rich, lazy guys play left field, damn it!

At Least They Keep It Interesting

Just like the Goonies, Red Sox never say die. Well, maybe Manny does, but the rest...not dead yet.

People I'm Very Disappointed In (Vol. I)