Just so we're clear

What? We was just playin'. Hey, I'm Manny!

If you want to physically abuse a high-ranking member of the front office staff, you need to have at least 500 homeruns or a World Series MVP award. Otherwise, that kind of thing will get you fired.

Good to know. Good to know.

I hate my life.

PHN lands in the Bay

I live somewhere in this picture now.

Sorry, but posts have been infrequent to due my relocation to the Bay Area, which has gone relatively smoothly. After getting settled in for a bit, I was able to attend yesterday's A's/Phillies game at McAfee. Rich Harden was lights out, Jack Hannahan hit a double and as usual Philly Fans left the game pissed off and miserable.

But hopefully PHN will get back into the groove shortly, and with a new and entertaining perspective.

“I like playing for Oakland, they have a very colorful uniform”

-All-time stolen base leader Ricky Henderson

Baseball vs. Football

RIP, George.

The Return of Jake Peavy

Today, I attended the return of Jake Peavy to Petco Park. Jake pitched 6 scoreless innings and looked really good. And, get this, Brian Giles hit a 3 run home run! After Khalil Green hit a home run last night! Will wonders never cease?

In other news, the Padres neglected to make my day and show the totally awesome Heath Bell/300 mash-up on the Jumbotron (someone needs to put that sucker on youtube). I guess I'll have to be content with a 9-0 win.

Feel the momentum, baby. Go Padres! Overtake the Giants for third place!

Throwbacks and Fitteds

The Ivy League goes hip-hop. Watch out!

For those of you who have not discovered the world of Stall & Dean Sporting Goods Co., their website is well worth checking out. Founded in the late 1800's, S&D now specializes in caps and apparel of Ivy League schools and old school New York Rucker Park club basketball teams. They also have a celebrity photo section, with Jay-Z, Kanye and others sporting S&D. But one of the coolest thing on there is a Rucker League "Cougars" hat, which is pretty much the closest thing out there as far as official "Playmakers" gear goes. If you haven't checked the show out, I highly recommend you watch it on DVD:

If anyone has a DH jersey, please e-mail me.

Meanwhile, www.BothTeamsPlayedHard.com offers links to their ebay auctions for game used vintage jerseys, some of which date back to the 1920's. They have some great pictures on their site of classic uniforms such as the 1970's baby blue Sacramento Kings and Harlem Globetrotters warm-up jacket. It's a mostly hoops site, but there are items for every sport, hockey included.

Now I've seen it all.

That's it for today, and I'll keep everyone posted as the search for awesome stuff continues.

“If you want to learn to swim jump into the water. On dry land no frame of mind is ever going to help you”

-Martial arts master Bruce Lee

The NBA: Worst. League. Ever.

Block or foul? Depends on who the home team is.

Our boy Philips over at Rumors and Rants wrote a great blog on the officiating in Game 2 of the NBA Finals last night, and he says pretty much everything I was thinking watching that game. Boston clearly outplayed the Lakers, but some of the calls make fans wonder whether or not NBA basketball is a sport. Calling the game evenly on both sides, and letting the players decide the game is apparently too much to ask for that league.

NBA "fans" can count on the Lakers getting more calls at home, as Commisioner Stern needs this series to go at least five games so they can run crossover promos with The Dark Knight and Hancock. Maybe by then the players will be able to decide the game instead of getting key players into foul trouble by calling every single ticky-tac foul, but will it be too late? Kobe got whistled for brushing back Ray Allen's hand, just after he fought through a Paul Pierce screen only to be called for a foul after Pierce's flop are just two examples. Why not just stick both teams in tuxedos and film an episode of Dancing With the Stars or Survivor? It's sad, but that's what this league has become. Not sports, but spectacle as a marketing tool.

Keep preaching the gospel, 'Sheed (feel free to fill in the blanks yourself):

"All that (expletive) calls they had out there...A lot of them phantom calls, cats are flopping and falling all over the floor and they're calling that (expletive). That (expletive) ain't basketball out there. It's all (expletive) entertainment. You all should know that (expletive). It's all that (expletive) entertainment."

-Rasheed Wallace, on the Eastern Conference Finals Officiating

Trashing the league? $25,000. Speaking the truth? Priceless.

Links of the Week

Thanks to Golden State of Mind for this great picture.

-Kobe Byant and a glib Phil Jackson react to Game 1's "Paul Pierce Drama" following the Celtic's win. The Zenmaster on top of his game, once again. [AOL Fanhouse]

-On a side note, Kobe is into Harry Potter. Really! [Esquire.com]

-A great breakdown of University of San Diego pitcher Brian Matusz. Drafted fourth overall in yesterday's amateur draft by the Orioles, there are some questions about his fastball velocity and mechanics. [Baseball Intellect]

-Braves pitcher John Smoltz talks about matching up with Tiger on the links, and eventually trying to make it through Qualifying School for a spot on the PGA tour. [Golf.com]

-The Padres are selling the fact that first-round pick Allan Dykstra (1B) could be the Jim Thome type slugger that will conquer the spacious confines of Petco. Not everyone (myself included) is buying. Dykstra is an SD native and Rancho Bernardo High alum, as are fellow major leaguers Cole Hamels (PHI) and Hank Blaylock (TEX). [It Might Be Dangerous...]

-Screenshots of the NCAA Football '09 video game is out, and previews a new look for the Cal Bears. [Bears with Fangs]

Oh well, we're still better than Notre Dame.

-The University of Indiana football field was damaged due to recent heavy rains, and may eventually need to be replaced. Best. Sinkhole. Ever. [Hoosier Scoop]

That's all for now, hope everyone found some of those stories interesting. Inspirational Quote? OK OK, here comes the airplane...

“Hip-hop is a style. Some of my owners are hip-hop, but they dress in a different fashion. Hip-hop doesn't mean sloppy.”

-Street Culture expert and NBA Commissioner David Stern

The (semi?) Weekly Weddle

It's been a while, but we are back with all the Eric Weddle news and updates you can handle. Some of the overall team and player ratings have been released for the Madden '09 game (via PastaPadre.com), and things are pretty jam-packed at the top with the Patriots a 97 overall, the Cowboys second at 96 (WTF?), and the Chargers and Colts both at 95. But all we really care about here is Eric Weddle. How does his Madden rating stack up against other players at his position?

With an overall 79 rating, E-Weezy is placed in the middle of the pack of free safeties, behind the likes of Chris Hope and Brian Russell. However, as a first year starter, look for E-Dubs to raise his stock throughout the season and be more highly rated once the in season ratings updates are available for download.

In addition, here are some rookie ratings of note:

Destined to suck

Darren McFadden (OAK)-85
Dominique Rogers-Cromartie (AZ)-82
Rashard Mendenhall (PIT)-81
Jacob Hester (SD)-77 (RB), 83 (FB)
Antoine Cason (SD)-79
Glenn Dorsey (KC)-84
Felix Jones (DAL)-80
Jake Long (MIA)-86
DeSean Jackson (PHI)-78
Jerod Mayo (NE)-82
Dan Connor (CAR)-78
Matt Ryan (ATL)-83
Sedrick Ellis (NYJ)-83
Kenny Phillips (NYG)-80

Tuesday Crotch Shot

Welcome back everyone. Today's crotch shot involves the so-called "Best Game Ever" described as follows on Youtube:

"Two people face off on opposite sides of a basketball court. One must stand still while the other gets a free shot with a volleyball at their, uh, you know. After each throw, you take a step closer. First one to give up loses."

Sounds fascinating. Now let's see it in action...



Looks like a ton of fun! Now onto our Inspirational Quote:

"I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house."

-Hall of Fame Yankees catcher Yogi Berra

Top 5 Pink Hat Fans: NBA Basketball

Mark Cuban, a hardcore Pink Hatter

UrbanDictionary.com defines a "Pink Hat Fan" as follows:

An overzealous, bandwagoner typically female fan of a recently successful local pro sports franchise. Characterized by the brand spanking new officially licensed pink team hat. Typically spends majority of game chatting on cell phone, waving to tv camera, asking idiotic questions & being a stupid annoying nuisance in general. Most commonly found at Fenway Park & Foxboro Stadium.

...

The pink hatter is so named because their team apparel purchases are unconventional in color, and are merely chosen in an attempt to call attention to themselves and their amplified hipster factor. Pink hatters can be found in the ballpark taking the seat of a more interested and less casual fan that was unable to get a ticket.

However, here at PHN, we honor all Pink Hat fans regardless of gender or locale. So in this spirit, and since the NBA Finals are upon us, PHN presents the top 5 Pink Hat fans of the NBA:

5) Dallas Mavericks

Since Mark Cuban bought this franchise in 2000, many disturbing changes have taken place. From day one the guy has been sitting behind the Mavericks bench, screaming like a madman at refs, players and coaches. His dubious attempts at marketing have included alternate away jerseys designed by P. Diddy and of course that stupid TV shows where "celebrities" do salsa to Miami Sound Machine or some shit. Maverick fans in general seem to be of the "Trust us, we're relvelant. Seriously!" variety, and en masse have eschewed the old green and blue of the 70's-90's for Mr. Cuban's more modern look. But what puts Mavs fans on this list is Mr. Cuban himself. From the obnoxiously victorious to the petulantly defeated, Mark Cuban is the "Mr. Emo" of Pink Hatters, and quite possibly the single greatest Pink Hat fan of all time.

4) San Antonio Spurs

Spurs fans do Chuck Norris Facts parodies even worse than they do Mexican food.

Lakers coach Phil Jackson said it perfectly: San Anotnio is a bunch of old, retired tourists. They eat overpriced margaritas and bad Tex-Mex food by that stupid river and incessantly talk about the "Spurs Dynasty" (ESPN's Skip Bayliss). In reality, the actual TEAM of San Antonio is much more annoying than it's actual fans. Tim Duncan cries after every foul call, and Bruce Bowen's fouling tactics have been dubbed the "Edward Scissorhands" strategy. So if you are a semi-annoying fan that supports the most annoying team of all time, then guess what, you make this list. Spurs fans, if you are having post-playoff withdrawals, that lame pre-game mariachi band is now performing at On The Border during happy hour. Try the mojiotos, they're amazing.

3) Utah Jazz

Jazz fans have a Capri-Sun fueled rage like no other.

Let's see, where to begin. No booze sold during the games. When refs make a bad call, instead of chanting "bullshit" they chant the more Mormon appropriate "Ref You Suck!" During the playoffs the fans wear all baby blue to "intimidate" the opponent. Like Kobe will roll into the arena and be like "Oh snap, it's 35,000 members of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, we're done!!" This year Jazz Fans took it to another level by booing every single call that didn't go their way, and hurling objects at the Lakers bench shortly before being eliminated from post-season play. And just the idea of sporting gear that says "Utah Jazz," just think about that for a minute. I've never been to the Salt Lake Jazz-fest (if there is one), but my guess is that Wynton Marcellus and T.S. Monk are not involved. And once again, minus points to Jazz fans for switching from the old New Orleans-style musical note logo to the "updated" Jazz look, which really has nothing to do with jazz or the state of Utah.

2) Boston Celtics

Under their shirts are actually pink Tom Brady and David Ortiz jerseys. Haahd-core.

Atlanta Hawks guard Mike Bibby was probably right when he said that most of the people showing up to Celtics games in 2008 were nowhere to be found last year, despite their claims of being "diehards." While there are many hardcore Celtics fans, there are also a great number Garden attendees that are there merely because the Red Sox are on the road in a city they don't feel like traveling to that day. They view Celtics games as a good place to drink Sam Adams, wear a Garnett jersey, annoyingly talk on their cell phones and do the infamous standing slut dance to "Pour Some Sugar on Me" or "Paradise City." Male Pink Hatters prefer the profanity-laced tirade to opponents coming out of the tunnel, and getting all pumped up when anything by House of Pain or Flogging Molly starts playing over the PA. And unlike Utah fans, C's Pink Hatters have no qualms about using the phrase "bullshit." If the refs make a bad call, cover the virgin ears of your little ones. Finally, NBA fans can brace themselves for 3 straight hours of the tired "BEAT LA!" chant during Boston home games.

1) Los Angeles Lakers

Banderas and Diaz, at a Laker game laughing about getting paid obscene scrilla for dog poop movies.

First off, let me say I've been rooting for the Lakers this year and love Kobe, but Pink Hat Laker fans are so far out there it's not even funny. And again, we preface this by saying there are many diehard Laker fans through the years (we back you, Jack!), but watching these games and going to them, I am amazed by some of the people at Staples. While Celtics fans may be more overtly obnoxious, no single team in the NBA attracts bandwagon fans like the Lakers. Just look at the people sitting in the front row at these games, it's like their whole life is one big audition for a part on "Entourage." And the celebrities are just brutal. Look, there's Cameron Diaz! Well thanks for making the most retarded movie ever with Ass-ton Butcher and taking up the seat of a REAL basketball fan! Hey, behind the bench, it's Jack Black wearing $400 sunglasses eating a hot dog! And the "Kobe! Kobe! MVP! MVP!" and "We Want Taco's/Cholupas" chant obsessions are growing to sick proportions as well. The new style pink Lakers jersey with Kobe #24 (instead of his old #8), is probably one of the worst pieces of Pink Hat merchandise on the planet. Congratulations Laker fans, you have managed to take the most douchy elements of Los Angeles, and brought them together to form the ultimate NBA Pink Hat experience. Bravo!