When fantasy teams suck

I have the worst fantasy team in my league. I play with a group of people from my office, and I have yet to win a game. This past weekend, I played the only other person with an 0-3 record (The Battle of the Beatens). He destroyed me.

I'm so embarassed. I am a complete and total failure at this. My team should be good. On paper, we're always predicted to win. I have Peyton Manning, Jason Witten, Darren McFadden, Brandon Marshall. I was told these are good players. Well, guess what: Peyton Manning decided to get old this year, Darren McFadden is playing like a rookie, and the gods are punishing me for putting a woman beater like Marshall on my team.

So what do I do? Help me fantasy land. Tell me who to get and who to kick to the curb. I will not settle for a loser!

Fantasy Thoughts: High on Ricky

Fantasy owners hope Ricky Williams blazes more on the field than off.

So by now everyone has their teams, and probably their Week 1 starting lineup penciled in. Now is the time to search the waiver wire for that last minute sleeper, or maybe begin laying some groundwork for an early season swap of a guy you barely missed out on but expect a breakout season from.

A few thoughts to aid you in those, or any other fantasy endeavors:

Ricky Williams could be primed for a 1,000+ yard rushing season, and no, we are not smoking the same stuff

Yes, that's right. Word on the street is that R-Will is having the time of his life in Miami right now, finishing up his college degree and studying holistic medicine. Perpetually cantankerous GM Bill Parcells is even embracing him, and head coach Tony Sparano has all but named Ricky the starter. Not only that, but the team has extended his contract through 2009. Ronnie Brown is certainly a capable and explosive back, but health has been an issue since he came into the league. Expect the 'Phins to rely on Ricky to do all the heavy lifting on the offensive side, as Chad Pennington is still studying the "Jay Feidler's Guide to playing Mediocre Dophins QB" video tape series.

Swoop in on Chris Perry if someone else hasn't already

A familiar face to Michiganders. That's a funny word.

The Bengals' release of both Rudi Johnson and Kenny Irons makes Perry the de facto starter in Cincy. Not bad if you drafted the guy on a flyer in the late rounds or was able to acquire him as a free agent. At Michigan, Perry showed the ability to be a slashing-style runner with good receiving skills out of the backfield. While he may not be your prototypical workhorse back, he's worth being your 3rd or 4th running back, and could post a 1,100 all-purpose yard total with six or seven touchdowns.

Patriots Defense in Turmoil

Currently, the Patriots team defense is ranked number three on Yahoo!, following the Vikings and Chargers. However, there are signs pointing to a decline,and it would be wise to shore up at other positions before drafting/trading for New England, as they are sure to be overvalued by most owners. While the Pats remain solid up front, their linebacking corp is a mixture of aging veterans (Mike Vrabel, Teddi Bruschi) and inexperienced rookies (Jerod Mayo, Shawn Crable) that is cause for concern. However, the biggest hole appears to be in pass coverage, as both cornerback free agent signings Jason Webster and Fernando Bryant were both recently cut, and Pro-Bowler Asante Samuel signed with the Eagles. Starting Ellis Hobbes (who was exposed in the Super Bowl by Plaxico Burress) and Lewis Sanders at conerback will leave them exposed to the outside passing game, and Brandon Merriweather enters his first year starting at safety which could open up the middle. The quick signing and release of John Lynch might leave some to wonder if Belichick and Co. are grasping at straws in order to avoid a post-Super Bowl loss hangover. Don't avoid these guys altogether, just move them down your rankings sheet below the likes of Pittsburg, Jacksonville and the New York Giants.

"The way I left made it difficult. To come back and clear my name is important to me.”

-R-Will on his latest tour of duty in Miami

Fantasy Football: The cure for Blog Hibernation

Same picture from last year's blog hibernation. Go ahead, look it up. I dare you.

Yes, it's been a while. Yes, we've sucked at keeping this blog updated with the intra-web shenanigans that all of our seven readers have come to expect. Overall things have been slow, and for Padres fans the dog days of summer baseball have been less than inspiring, to say the least.

However, there is a light at the end of the summer sports tunnel (for those of us who are non into the Olympics): football season. So in an attempt to get back in the swing of things, PHN presents a small 2008 preview. A few observations:

We're all sick of Brett Favre. Jericho Cotchery and Thomas Jones won't be.

All the talk has been about Brett Favre's legacy and the quarterback controversy with Aaron Rodgers. However, what most concerns fantasy owners is what kind of impact he'll have on the stat sheet. While Brett himself should be considered only a high-end fantasy backup, his mere presence does raise the value of several other Jets players. Receiver Jericho Cotchery (Philip Rivers' main target from college days) should be able to put up Greg Jennings-type numbers, if not better. He's a polished route runner with toughness and agility. Draft him as your #3 WR and watch him put up stats worthy of a #2.

Order your green "Walls of Jericho" shirt at www.all-jets-fans-live-in-trailer-parks.com

The passing game should also open things up for RB Thomas Jones, who was hampered by the inept quarterbacking of such luminaries as Chad Pennington and Kellen Clemens in '07. The signing of Pro Bowl center Alan Faneca should help Jones to a 1,200+, 10 TD season. If he's there in round 3, pull the trigger.

Don't forget about the Bills

Yes, quarterback Trent Edwards is unproven and most likely a fringe NFL starter. And yes WR Lee Evans is on track to become the latest disappointing Wisconsin Badger (we're looking at YOU, Ron Dayne and Michael Bennett). But there's talent on this squad that's going to produce and help many fantasy owners that recognize this.

RB Marshawn Lynch got hyphy on the gridiron in 2007 to the tune of 1,115 yards on 280 carries with seven touchdowns in 13 games. Many expect those totals to increase, including Peter King who predicts Lynch will be second in the league in rushing yards this year, even ahead of fantasy darling Adrian Peterson. If you pass this guy in the first round for injury risks and/or aging backs like Clinton Portis, Jamal Lewis and Frank Gore, by week six you'll regret it.

How can you pass on a guy that claims to have a "Beast Mode" ?

Another uber-sleeper on this team is WR James Hardy, a rookie out of Inidana University. He should move up the depth chart quickly, eventually surpassing perennial disappointment Josh Reed. Hardy is quite a physical specimen, reminiscent of a young T.O. He should get a lot of red zone looks at the very least, and his presence will help take pressure of Evans, who's slight build and lack of physicality make it difficult for him to beat double teams consistently.

This year's Sleeper Beauty at QB could be Jason Campbell

It happens every season at every position, a guy slips under the radar during the draft and ends up putting numbers worthy of a guy you'd pick in the top 3 rounds (see: Derek Anderson from last year). Bottom line, this guy has talent, and also talent around him. The main thing that worked against him was Joe Gibbs' conservative offensive philosophy. New head coach Jim Zorn is a former quarterback himself, and is sure to bring a more versatile and effective offensive passing attack. JC threw for 2,700 yards, with 12 TDs and 11 INTs in 2007, numbers not really worthy of an every week fantasy starter. However, Washington returns with passing weapons such as Chris Cooley, Santana Moss and Antwaan Randle-El. And in addition, USC's pass-catching tight end phenom Fred Davis was taken on draft day, as well as lanky red zone target Malcolm Kelly out of Oklahoma. This team has all the talent to be a formidable passing team, so take Campbell as your backup and shove it in all of the other owners' faces when he starts leading your team to fantasy glory.

Doug Williams reincarnated? Maybe. Well, probably not. Draft him anyways, though.

So that's it, hopefully as things settle down in the Bay for yours truly, there'll be more mayhem and excitement in our little sports-nut enclave. That is all.

Boltin' the Colt .... in's

The other two citizens of Pink Hat Nation got the day off for Veteran’s Day (just another reason you should get a government or quasi-government job, kids) so I’ll take it upon my hard-laboring self to say, “YAY CHARGERS! TAKE THAT PEYTON MANNING!!”

Though the Patriots are my one true love when it comes to the NFL, I like to flirt with the Chargers since I’m living in their city, and yesterday they pulled off a much needed win against the “mighty” Colts. Actually, the Chargers defense pulled off a much needed win; their offense did everything they could to cough up the game. After going up 23-0 in the first half, the Colts put up 21 in the second and despite 6(!) Manning interceptions, the Chargers couldn’t get anything else done. Luckily, Adam Vinatieri shanked a field goal late in the 4th quarter and the Colts couldn’t catch up.

So now the Chargers are 5-4. Best in the West! Erik Weddle had a decent game, so expect more (and better) analysis from Dave later this week.

Fairytale Football - Freshman Year

Settle down kids. Welcome back from summer vacation. Please turn to page 7 in your textbooks.
I am going to assume that all of you at least understand the CONCEPT of the game of FF (for you laymen, Fantasy Football). In short, each "player" fields a "team" made up of various skill position players (i.e. QB, WR, RB, TE, K). To top it off, you field an entire defensive squad, such as the Baltimore Ravens team defense. Each week, depending on the rules of your league, you play you weekly roster (typical = 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 1 K, and 1 DEF), and receive points based on their play. Standard leagues base points as such...

As you can see, you can also LOSE points if you team's player underperformed. Additionally, standard leagues allow a number of "bench" roster spots, which can used for any number of positions.

How do you pick your players? Many leagues vary from in-person drafts involving large amounts of beers, pizza, and herbs, online drafts which makes is easy for leagues which have players from all over the world, or one can have an automated draft through an online league, such as Yahoo! or ESPN. More on that later...

Finally, once your league is created, typically each team plays another team, head 2 head, on a rotating schedule. Each week, you win, lose, or tie you opponent, and that record is applied to the overall standings.

A usual fantasy schedule involves weeks 1-12/13, then playoffs during weeks 13-15. Notice that Week 16 is not included. That takes into account "slop time" most playoff teams enact, resting their star players before the playoffs.

So there you it. The basics of FF. Today's class was only meant for those that have recently fallen off the turnip truck and ride the short bus to school. Tomorrow's class will details the various draft strategies and transactions througout the year.

Miss Moynahan.......can you please see me after class......

Fairytale Football 101

The 1970's had the Pet Rock. In the 80's, Dungeons & Dragons became a movement. 90's? Well the 90's allowed it to be cool for 30-somethings to stay at home on Friday night and play Playstation. Welcome to the 21st Century, and Fantasy Football is here to stay.

Sure as death and taxes, every August comes the newest fantasy football magazine for the low, low price of $8-12.99. Forget the glossy pictures. Nevermind the articles written by the guy at the end of the bar. In the coming days, Professor Newman will be detailing the ins-and-outs, recommended resources, strategies, etc.. of the game that, up until 3 years ago, I thought was the stupidest idea I've ever heard.

Class dismissed...

By the way... I don't want to be accused to lifting copywritten material, so the above image can be found by way of the good folks at BustedTees.com