Congrats to the Phillies!

Hey, I was wrong! The Phillies managed to keep it together and score a victory for their championship-starved fans. After much debate, I ended up rooting for the Phils, so this makes me happy. Well done, lads.

And hey, buck up Rays fans. Your team had a darn near miraculous season, and they look to be good for the forseeable future. For the first time for your team, the phrase "There's always next year" actually means something.

Pour me a tall, cold Ray Hawk

Dang, so it's been eons since I've posted here. The polar caps have since melted, and the South American rainforests have been replaced by an Anheiser-Busch zillion acre tropical themed amusement park.

Anyhoo, hopefully we'll be back in the saddle here as I try and constantly wriggle free of the eternal pestilence known as "work."

So what do all our readers need right now? Nothing like a cold brew on tap and an awesome Ray Hawk to brighten your day:

Ray Hawks > Pink Hats

Sorry, Phils

Enjoy it now, lads

Dear Philadelphia Phillies,

Congratulations! As I write this, you are on the cusp of beating the Dodgers to caputre your first National League pennant since 1993. I personally think you're going to do it. (Please don't beat to me to death in an abandoned warehouse if things don't work out).

Unfortunately, your probable victory over Hell-A is where the good news ends. Because you are going to meet the Tampa Bay Rays, and this is going to go badly for you.

The Rays are currently beating the Red Sox 11-2 in game 4 of the ALCS, on their way to taking a 3-1 series lead. Everyone keeps talking about how the Sox overcame a 3-1 deficit in last year's ALCS, but trust me - this series is over. The Sox pitchers couldn't find home plate with a GPS right now, and their batters looks like they're trying to swing telephone poles. The Rays on the other hand, look the frickin' 1927 Yankees. Nope, no comeback this year.

Honestly, around the time the Rays scored their tenth run, a sort of Zen came over me. (This was, admitedly, also around the time I ran out of swear words). But really, all I ever wanted out of the Red Sox my whole life was a World Series win, and they gave me two. And there's always last year. Let the Rays have their fun. I'll be right back there for my Sox the minute pitchers and catchers report next winter. I think other Sox fans will do the same. We're fat and happy right now.

But you, my dear Phillies, are in for a rough road.

Philadelphia fans are like Boston fans without the class.* Have you ever looked into their eyes? They're like wounded animals trying to bite their leg out of a trap. They're full of fear, anger and a hatred of all that's beautiful. This is mostly a result of watching the Eagles every year, but since most Eagles fans are also Phillies fans, the mentality carries over.

If the Phillies lose to the Rays in the World Series - the ten year old, just finished over .500 for the first time Rays - Philadelphia fans just might tear them apart right there on the field of Citizen's Bank Park. I can see it now: The Rays will be in the locker room spraying champagne. Fox reporters will be whooping it up with them, when the camera will cut to the Phillie's dugout for loser reaction. There, a grim faced sideline reporter, her hair caked with blood, will stammer, "They...They just kept coming. They wouldn't stop. Bare teeth...ripping jerseys...the Phanatic! Dear God, the poor, poor Phanatic!"

Since I started this post, the Rays have put up two more runs. They're not only for real, they're merciless. And they're coming for you, Phillies. Don't say you weren't warned.

Yours in pre-expansion preference,

Liz

*Before you Philistines fill our comment sections with derogatory braying against Sox fans, please note this is called "a joke."

It's so easy to fall in hate

It’s strange, being hated for your success. But you learn to manage.

With the Red Sox entering the ALCS for the second year in a row, the Haterade is flowing like champagne in a winner’s locker room. People are grousing about how spoiled and entitled Boston fans have become, even throwing around comparisons to Yankees fans. **Shudder**

They’re not wrong. Boston fans, with the recent success of the Patriots, Celtics, and of course, Sox, have been spoiled rotten this decade. And from what I hear, the crowds back in the Big B are becoming entitled boors. From the perspective of those us who aren’t total bandwagoners, it feels warranted to an extent, since our teams sucked for so long, but I know no one else sees it this way (just look at the comments on this post).

This isn’t a whiny, “We won and now we’ve lost our identity” kind of post. Believe me, I would much rather be hated for winning than pitied and made fun of for losing (ask any Cubs fan). And I totally get why a lot of people are supporting the Tampa Bay Rays in the ALCS: If they were playing any other team I’d cheer for them too. I’m a huge supporter of getting new blood in the baseball playoffs. I won’t even make fun of their fans in their TB caps so new the bill isn’t even curved, because I know a team’s gotta win a bit before people will care.

I just think its fascinating, and a little bit amusing, how easy it is for a team to get hated these days. You used to have to win at least a dozen championships. Now, in this world so short on attention and perspective that we need a show to recap what happened the previous week, all it takes is two.

Someone should tell Raider fans how easy it is. They could save a lot of time and money by shirking those adorable costumes and donating money to a the front office so it can buy a defense.

Is This the One October Everyone's Been Talking About?

It's finally here...MLB playoff time. I've been telling anyone who will listen for awhile now, it will be Cubs vs. Rays in the World Series. The only team I can see spoiling my prediction are the godamned LA Angels of Anaheim. And Lord help me, if the Dodgers make the series, things will not be pretty...for anyone.

I don't care how you get there. Just get there. Just get there.

Everybody Loves Raymond

We all know that YouTube is the little corner of the inter-web that we all go to for instant awesomeness, but today is the dawning of a new era for me.

Three words: Mascot Dance Off.

Not only are the soundtracks to these things amazing (they make me feel like I've gotten a big furry lap-dance), but these guys actually get down, and it's hilarious.

Here's the Baltimore Oriole going up against Devil Rays mascot Raymond. Now the more I discover about Raymond, the more he really creeps me out. Here you can check out his bio, where it points out that he is a member of the species: " 'Canus Manta Whatthefluffalus' or in layman's terms, a Seadog." He also likes the "Hairy Potter" books and full contact shuffleboard.

This is probably the strangest franchise in sports history, but Hulk Hogan likes them and I see some really hot chicks on this video, so "Take me out to the Rays Game."

Why the hell not?