Monday, December 31, 2007

No Time for Calls of Perfection (yet)

Watch out, Tom

It's important, in times like these, to keep one's head.

When your football team goes unbeaten in the regular season and your quarterback and wide reciever both break two of the games most hallowed records (on the same play!) it's important not to get caught up in talk of perfection. After all, nothing is perfect. For example, if the Patriots lose in the playoffs, everyone will forget how good they were and just call them choke artists. Far from perfect

An even better example: apparently Tom Brady didn't like "No Country for Old Men." Throw all the touchdown passes and flash all the swoon inducing smiles you want sir, but no one who doesn't appreciate the virtuosity of that film can ever be called perfect.

Great arm, great eyes, poor taste in cinema.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Is it Baseball Season Yet?

I must confess...the only sport I really watch and love is baseball. Things get a bit boring for me in the winter when it's not on. At least I have meetings and signings and reports to get me through.

On the Padres front, Kevin Towers is (like always) gunning for pitchers (instead of, oh I dunno, players who can hit over .250? I know, I know. It's just too crazy!) and K . Tow likes his pitchers like he likes his whores: old and cheap. So we signed Randy Wolf and Mark Prior...both coming off serious surgeries, both over 25 and both rumored to be "done." If these guys come out and pitch to their potential, the Padres would be pretty effing unbeatable (with Peavy, Young and Maddox rounding out the rotation. Oh how I love those three). However, if they pitch like they had major surgery in the past two years (which they both did), expect to see some AAA call ups to cover their asses. I mean, pitchers win baseball games in San Diego. We couldn't possibly try and win by hitting the ball well. That would just be too ridiculous.

Oh no! Someone put Mad-Dog's arm on backwards. Now we are really f*cked!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Post Xmas Youtube fun

If you have not seen the "2 girls 1 cup" video, please don't, unless you want to have this reaction:

Hope everyone had a great x-mas. Here is your Inspriational Sports Quote of the Day-

“A lot of people understand what not saying anything means, so, in effect, not saying anything is really saying a lot.”

Hall of Fame center and NBA analyist Bill Walton

Monday, December 24, 2007

Oh the Weddle outside is frightful...

And the Siler's so delightful...

And since the Denver Donkeys blow...

Let it Cro, Let it Cro, Let it Cro...

(Thanks to BoltHype for posting this sweet Cromartie highlight mix)

The day is finally here, Happy Chist-kwannza-kah!

LT doing the right thing for x-mas. Go Bolts!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Classic Youtube: Jordan era Bulls intro

This is probably the sweetest thing to be played on any jumbotron in the history of mankind. Makes you realize how far the NBA has fallen, no game or player today comes close to matching the excitement and intensity that hearing this music gave basketball fans. Please enjoy the Chicago Bulls intro, to the tune of "Sirius" by the Alan Parsons Project.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Linkology 101

Can we PLEASE call it the Gay Bowl next year?

-Bowl Season begins tonight as Navy plays Utah in the Poinsettia Bowl at the Murph. The Betting Fool likes Navy on the money line, and also has some things to say about ESPN's reaction to the Mitchell Report. []

-The Padres avoid arbitration with Micahel Barrett, and sign him (in addition to his bad attitude and noodle-arm) to a one-year $3.5 million contract. []

-The Hoosiers are bowling again, and the Cal Hippies face the Air Force Fly Boys in the Armed Forces Bowl. Awkward! Your Best and Worst of the Bowls preview. [Rumors and Rants]

-Wes Welker has no need for the sunshine and beaches of Miami, because apparently Boston is the place to party in the winter. Dude must be relieved about not getting an invite to the Pro Bowl in Hawaii. Oh snap! [Construda]

-Looks like "Slick Rick" Neuheisel is the frontrunner for UCLA's head coaching job. Who doesn't love a good betting scandal? [LA Times]

Happy Thursday!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Tony Romo dates tramps and other eternal truths of the Universe

Tony Romo headed for supper on the ranch with Ira and Barry.

After watching the NFL slowly degenerate over the last 15 years into a league of soft/incompetent quarterbacks, instant reply on EVERY single close play and defensive backs who are allowed more contact with the Pope than receivers, what took place last week pretty much felt like rock bottom to me and a lot of other NFL fans.

Before getting into specifics, let me point out one thing: Joe Buck is a fucking idiot, and should actually change his name to Joe Fuck.

Last Sunday's Cowboys game was a milestone in NFL history. However, understanding what took place involves comprehending a complex mathematical equation with multiple variables. But we here at PHN are more than happy to dumb it down an color code it for ya'll.

First, you have the asshole above, Joe Fuck, who's value will be labeled "FUCK," since that's what everyone says when they hear he is announcing a game that they plan to watch.

Next is Dallas quarterback Tony Romo, and we will simply assign him his initials "TR."

Third we have TR's erstwhile concubine Miss Jessica Simpson, aka "3 D's" for obvious reasons.

What happens next is complicated, so grabbing a hot cup of Yerba Mate might help:

1) Tony Romo (TR) decides to start dating Jessica Simpson (3 D's).
2) Joe Fuck assigned to call Cowboys/Eagles game for Fox. TR is playing in this game, and 3 D's is watching from the luxury box.
3) FUCK tells us how manly and legendary TR is, then obviously analy fondles himself (A) over 3 D's and her pink Cowboys jersey:

Ergo, the sum of said events is as follows-

Jessica Simpson (3 D's) + Joe Buck (FUCK) + Tony Romo (TR) + Anal self-fondling (A)

You can carry the (D's) and the (A), since a variable in any equation with all douchbags is commutative like that.

Therefore, we come to the conlclusion that:

Jessica Simpson + Joe Buck (+ thumb in his own butt) + Tony Romo



Who would EVER have guessed?

Friday, December 14, 2007

'Roid Watch 2007

By far the best thing to come out of this scandal:

Lynch goes Beast Mode

Apparently the Bills hired a comic book artist to produce this, and have been playing it at Rich Stadium when Marshawn makes a big play. Pretty sweet, thanks to 100% Injury Rate for posting this.

Have a great weekend, and here is your Insprirational Sports Quote of the Day:

"The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood."

-College football coaching legend Lou Holtz

Thursday, December 13, 2007

'Roid Watch 2007 - A Reaction

Eh is about all I can muster. Nothing really shocking about the Mitchell Report names (in fact the “fake” reports surfacing just hours before the real list were much more interesting). The truly evil woman within is really happy to see Kevin Brown’s name on the list (that what you get for whoring yourself to the Dodgers, asshole) and I’m happy so few Padres made the list, but otherwise, this story is pretty disappointing.

Lets see how many baseball & syringe pics we can post today.

'Roid Watch 2007 - The Mitchell Report List (Vol. II)

OK, looks like I missed a few names. (Sorry, but I am supposed to be doing my actual job here). Here is a full list.

'Roid Watch 2007 - The Mitchell Report List

OK, after skimming the report, here is the "list," as far as I can tell. They're listed under the source by which Mitchell found them.

Barry Bonds
Marvin Bernard
Bobby Estalella
Jason Giambi
Armondo Rios
Benito Santiago
Gary Sheffield
Jeremy Giambi
Randy Velarde

Kirk Radomski, former Mets Trainer
Larry BigbieChad Allen
Lenny Dykstra
David Segui
Brian Roberts
Jack Cust
Tim Laker
Josias Manzanillo
Todd Hundley
Mark Carreon
Hal Morris
Matt Franco
Rondell White
Roger Clemens
Andy Pettitte
Chuck Knoblauch
Jason Grimsley
Gregg Zaun
David Justice
F.P. Santangelo
Glenallen Hill
Mo Vaughn
Denny Neagle
Ron Villone
Ryan Franklin
Chris Donnels
Todd Williams
Phil Hiatt
Todd Pratt
Kevin Young
Mike Lansing
Cody Mckay
Kent Mercker
Adam Piatt
Miguel Tejada
Jason Christiansen
Mike Stanton
Stephen Randolph
Jerry Hairston, Jr
Paul Lo Duca
Adam Riggs
Bart Miadich
Fernando Vina
Kevin Brown
Eric Gagne
Mike Bell
Matt Herges
Gary Bennett, Jr
Jim Parque
Brendan Donnelly
Jeff Williams
Howie Clark
Exavier “Nook” Logan
Daniel Naulty


Ken Caminiti
Mark McGwire
Rafael Palmeiro
Jose Canseco

Mitchell Report Update: Tigers used illegal Nooks

Damn Xavier "Nook" Logan, DAMN. You have the best name in baeball, and you soil it with the use of performance enhancing drugs. But we all should have known. The high socks. The behemoth 6'2", 180 pound frame. Even go back and look at the stats. In 2004 as a rookie, Logan hit zero home runs. Then, in 2005, he went yard an ungodly one time. That shit is more than double. In fact, if you multiple zero times a million, you still get zero. I know, it's a trip, but they teach it in colleges all accross the country. Anyways, good thing they replaced him in center field with Curtis Granderson. His 20+ home run power makes him Nook Logan on steroids, I mean, fuck, brain freeze.

And damn you, Padres. Jack Cust was on roids, and you kept him in the minors for two years, then traded him to the A's where he hit 26 homers last year! If there's one rule to running a baseball team, it's knowing who in your organization is roided, and putting them in the lineup EVERY FREAKING DAY as they did with Caminiti, Mike Cameron and, apparently, Wally Joyner.

"Hey Wally, want a Squirt from the vending machine?"

"Na man, I'm Mormon, we don't drink caffine. Do any of you guys remember if I used the right cheek or left last week?"

That's it for now, but let's all remember that the owners and commissioner are just as much to blame. And say this five time really fast: Rocker Redneck Roid Rage

'Roid Watch 2007

The biggest names in the Mitchell Report appear to be Clemens, Pettite, Tejada, Sheffield, the Giambi brothers and (obviously) Bonds. A few smaller but significant names are Kevin Brown, Paul Lo Duca, Benito Santiago, Eric Gagne and Mo Vaughn. Ken Caminiti, Rafael Palmiero, Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire - they're all mentioned, but we already knew that.

So far, I don't see any bombshells. All of these guys had been suspected before. No Pujols, Jeter, Rodriquez, Guerrero or anything like that.

This report has lead me and my co-workers to design a new game. I'll call it Steroid Search. Since the report doesn't have a basic list, you go to the top of the report PDF, press Ctrl F on your keyword, and type your favorite player's name into the "Find" box. Click "next," and see if his name comes up. For you Padres fans, you can give yourself and your friends a mild heart attack by searching "Gwynn." (Tony is in there, but don't worry, its only quoting him on how bad steroids are).

For the record, Nomar is not in there, and Vaughn appears to have used steroids after leaving the Red Sox. Not too many Sox names in there, which might get Mitchell (who works for the team) in some trouble.

'Roid Watch 2007

Mitchell's press conference is live on TV, and You can read the whole report here. The report does not appear to include a list, but names are sprinkled througout. Clemens is in there.

Mitchell said all 30 MLB clubs are effected.

'Roid Watch 2007

Former Sen. George Mitchell is going to unveil his much-toted report on steroids in baseball today at 11 am PST. Rumors are already circulating that Roger Clemens is named. Really? Its not normal for pitchers to get better when they hit 40? Huh.

Stay tuned here for breaking news* and expert** analysis*** as the names and teams come tumbling out.

* Things that have just been reported on other sites
** Dave, Lora and Me
*** Bad jokes

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Pros and Cons of being Perfect

With the Steelers beaten, some people think the Patriots are a lock to go 16-0 on the regular season. I am not yet one of those people, but in the spirit of speculation, here’s the pros and cons of being 13-0 with only 2 pretty bad teams and 1 above average team left to play (and yes, there are cons).

ProNo Losses. OK, that sounds like a biggest “duh” ever written, but seriously, you can’t overstate how nice it is to never come into work Monday morning thinking of all the would of, could of should ofs from the day before; or to look at your teams schedule on the Web site and see nothing but Ws. It’s really unbelievable.

Con The Loss Could Come Later. Do you have any idea how slim the odds are that a team will go 19-0? Neither do I, but I know they’re miniscule. As the team goes further and further along without a loss, it only increases the odds that a loss will come in the playoffs. Going 16-0 and getting bounced in the playoffs would really suck.

ProThe Attention. The rest of America is sick to death of the Patriots, but as anyone who lives out of their favorite teams market knows, it can be tough to fully keep up with your team. You don’t get to see all the games and don’t always have time to scan the Internet. When your team is losing, this is even harder because the national media isn’t paying attention. When your team is gunning for history, the national media piles it on, and for exiled fans, it’s almost like being home again.

ConThe Attention. Bill Belichick is a master at shielding his players from everything that’s going on around them, but he couldn’t shield them from 3 consecutive night games. The Patriots performances against Philly and B-more proved the schedule took a toll.

ProRecords Might Get Broken. Aside from 16-0, or even 19-0, the Patriots are on the path to some individual records this year too. Tom Brady could break the single season touchdown pass mark, and Randy Moss could break the touchdown reception record. If the team still has a chance at perfection, Belichick – the ultimate team-over-individual guy – will leave keep putting his starters out even with the playoffs locked up. This will increase their chances of getting those records.

ConPlayers Might Get Broken. Regularly, Brady, Moss, Harrison and a few others probably wouldn’t even play the last few games of the year. But if the perfect season is still on the line, they’ll have to.

ProA Place in History. The 2007 Patriots have a chance to be recognized as the greatest football team ever and finally wipe that smug look off the ’72 Dolphins’ faces.

Con The Bigger they Come, the Harder they Fall. Every team is gunning to take down the Pats now, and its only going to get worse in the playoffs. If they lose to the Colts in the AFC Championship, or the Cowboys or Packers in the Super Bowl, their place in history will be as the biggest chokers ever. And that’s no fun at all.


Jimmy Kimmel, Sundevils fan and bowl game drunkard.

-After being KO'd in the tenth round by Floyd Mayweather in Vegas, British boxer Ricky "The People's Champ" Hatton will step back down to the light welterweight class. [London Times]

-Steeler's running back Nejeh Davenport poops in hampers, and according to Rich Eisen, plops touchdowns. [AOL Fanhouse]

-Arizona State will face Texas for the first time ever, as they face off at The Murph for this year's Holiday Bowl. Is there a legitimate case for ASU being left out of the BCS? Naaahhhh... [Sun of Sparky]

-In rememberance of epic San Diego choke jobs, watch the finale to SDSU's collapse against Iowa in the '86 Holiday Bowl here. []

-Padres GM Kevin Towers returned from baseball's winter meetings without a fix for their outfield disaster. Nick Canepa and the rest of the natives are getting restless. [SignonSanDiego]

-Lakers center Andrew Bynum: not a bust after all? [LA Times]

-Late addition: 49ers head coach Mike Nolan continues his bid to be fired at year's end, as QB Alex Smith rips his coach for turning his teammates against him. This is what happens when you mess with Highlanders. [San Jose Mercury News]

Happy Tuesday, and here is your Inspirational Sports Quote of the Day:

"Don't eat fried food, it angries up the blood"

-Former Indians and Negro League pitcher Satchel Paige.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Monday Morning Crotch Shot

Please enjoy this Renaissance Fair guy getting hit in the crotch. Happy Monday!

Thursday, December 6, 2007


Kicked Pepperdine's Jamie Kennedy lovin' ass last night, 68-57. Can't stop the Juggernaut.


Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Big Cats

OK, so apparently the Angels weren’t as zeroed in on Miguel Cabrera as it appeared. Yesterday the Tigers traded 3 top prospects and 3 eh prospects to the Marlins for Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis. This gives them a lineup that includes Cabrera, Magglio Ordonez, Curtis Granderson, Gary Sheffield and Ivan Rodriguez, and a rotation that features Willis, Justin Verlander and Jeremy Bonderman.

Everyone in the American League is officially not looking forward to playing the Tigers.

(Everyone in the National League, on the other hand, is officially really excited about playing the Marlins).

Monday, December 3, 2007

The Santana Meetings

With the Angels seemingly zeroed in on Miguel Cabrera, the Johan Santana talks are the buzz of the baseball Winter Meetings, going on as we speak in Nashville. As usual, the bidding seems to be between the Red Sox and Yankees right now, but the Twins appear to be standing impressively firm, not giving up their top-shelf guy for gray chip prospects and spare parts. Here’s the Pink Hat Nation breakdown of the situation:

The Target
Johan Alexander Santana Araque, 28-year-old left-hander with two Cy Youngs and a Gold Glove. One year left on a four year, $39.75 million contract.

The Contenders

The Yankees
Their Offer:
The Bombers have reportedly offered young phenom pitcher Phil Hughes, outfielder Melky Cabrera and third player, rumoured to be a mid-level prospect. Not a bad deal for the Twins; even though Santana is in his prime and a proven Über-Ace, Cabrera is a tough out and Hughes has looked great in limited starts. The Twins would get back a good young pitcher and add a desperately needed outfielder since Tori Hunter split for Anaheim. Too much for the Yankees to give up? Hard to say.
The Wrench: In an attempt to establish himself as a king pin out of the same mold as his dad, Hank Steinbrenner has begun making lavish and potentially unwise demands. He apparently told the Twins that they must take or leave the Yankees’ offer by today, Dec. 3. The Twins were reportedly not impressed.
Odds it will happen: 40%*

The Red Sox
Their Offer:
Seems to change hourly, but most recent reports say the Sox are willing to part with pitcher Jon Lester, outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury and blue chip prospects Jed Lowrie (infielder) and Justin Masterson (Pitcher). Maybe not all four. Maybe. Lester is nowhere near the caliber of Santana and Masterson is unproven, but Ellsbury has proven to be a dynamo. On paper this deal probably favors the Sox. In reality….
The Wrench: ...Red Sox fans have fallen head over heals for Ellsbury and with good cause – he’s one of the more exciting young players I’ve ever seen. The Sox already have a well-stocked rotation that won them a world series. As much as I like Coco Crisp, they have a chance to upgrade at center field. If Santana has a lackluster adjustment year and Ellsbury wins Rookie of the Year for the Twins, Sox brass will have a major headache on their hands.
Odds it will happen: 35%*

The Twins
Their Offer: Rumours are starting that whatever they’re seeing, its not what the Twins want. And Santana apparently isn’t chomping at the bit to leave Minnesota. The Twins could hold on to him and trade him next year, or even possibly scrape together the cash to extend his contract. He’d be worth it.
The Wrench: The Twins probably feel a bit like South America during the Cold War right now: it doesn’t matter who’s the US and who’s the USSR – a tiny team has something two Super Powers want, and the big guys don’t care what they have to do and who they have to screw over to get it.
Odds it will happen: 25%*

* Based on my own guess work, not actual math. I hate math.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Friday Afternoon Three Dot Lounge

"This is Lee Hamilton, and I AM bleeping brilliant!"

What's a blog without any "dot, dot, dot" posts?

...I think Aaron Rodgers should take over for Brett Favre. With Leather agrees.

...Cla Meredith dressed as Ricky Bobby for Halloween. I think it's more clever marketing to build the East County fan base. Pictures of Jake Peavy getting drunk with co-eds, too. Thanks to Gaslamp Ball

...What do they NOT sell at Target?

...America doesn't get to see enough Cricket. Wonderful game. But as a purist, I am completely against Inter-Zonal play.

...Is there a better voice for San Diego sports than Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton? Was that a rhetorical question? He's back on the air, Sportswatch starts at 3:00 PM on XTRA 1360 AM.

"Ocean Beach, Pacific Beach, Rancho Beach, Ridgemont, Chula Mesa, Easter Island, SHOW ME YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT!"

Enjoy the weekend, people.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

DUDE, where's my links?

Fantom of the Thunderdome

-Oregon takes on Oregon State this weekend in the traditional Civil War game. One man's cry: Bring back the Platypus Trophy! Sign the petition here.[The Oregonian]

-In light of the Patriots near loss last weekend, ESPN "anal cyst" Emmit Smith thinks he know how to beat them. The secret is a good running game and the ability "masturbate the ball down the feel." It's almost sad that this is funny. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

-Adam Rank is THE Big West hoops blogger, and he recaps UCSB's upset of UNLV on Tuesday. That's right, Ole bitches, let the tortilla tossing and couch burning commence! [AOL FanHouse]

-Sean Taylor memorial t-shirts for sale, all proceeds donated to charity as specified by the Taylor family [Bucktown Tees]

-Both the Royals and Blue Jays will bring powder blue back to the diamond in the form of updated alternate uni's. I'm guessing this will eventually turn into a "Kurk Gems" topic. [Home Run Derby]

Thursday should be the new Friday.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Mommy, does Santa ever Ghost Ride?

"I would like to thank de Elfs for dehr fun-TEST-ic vork. Cully-four-knee-ah haas de best, most experiece Elfes in de world. Go Chah-gah GO!"

Tis the season to be annoyed. Whether you're shopping, travelling, receiving useless gifts or interacting with friends and relatives you have little to no interest in, chances are you will use New Year's to erase the pain of December via binge drinking and possibly casual sex with a stranger.

But the season is all about GIVING, right? So in this spirit of slightly disingenuous charitability, PHN present Part I of your Hot Stove Shopping Guide, 2007. Yes, we know these guys already do the whole "mogul" thing and can buy whatever the hell they want, but if we the fans give to them, they'll give back to us. Right?

George Steinbrenner, aka "The King of Del Boca Vista"

Owns: New York A-Rods

Closely Resembles: That rich uncle who drives an expensive douchbag sports car at the age of 50 and is on his 3rd hot wife. Yet every Christmas you get a card from Save-On with a $25 gift certificate to the Coffee Bean. And you TOLD him Starbucks was right next to your work. He is Scrooge meets Pacman Jones.
Asking Santa for: World Series rings. Not cause he cares about baseball, they just make him look like a bad-ass around the DBV community. Eat it Morty!

What to get: Anything you already have of value that is in it's orginal packaging. Take it to Barnes and Nobles and make the vounteer PTA mom wrap it for free. Fuck this guy.

Ted Turner aka "The ATL-ien"
Owns: Atlanta Braves, Hannah-Barbara cartoons, all forms of matter and energy.
Closely Resembles: The guy in your family that never actually shows up for the holidays because he's busy climbing the Himalyas or saving Darfur. Makes you fell like shit because he's more active at 65 then you've ever been. Your whole family likes him because his main gift is cash.

Asking Santa for: Knowledge of the vast outer reaches of the universe and new life forms. These could be untapped markets for World Championship Wrestling and re-runs of The Nanny.
What to give: CD-ROM with a Powerpoint containing that bad idea for a TV show you've been grinding on for, like, five years. Lesbian Crackhead Zookeepers? Sounds like a hit, get that blond chick from Three's Company on the phone! No, the one AFTER Suzanne Somers!

John Moores, aka Newman from Seinfeld

Owns: San Diego Padres, shady computer companies, hotels/developments that attract douchebags and Texans, Dave Winfield.

Closely Resembles: Guy in the family that EVERYONE knows is next in line for a nervous breakdown. Also sends out the "I own a TON of porn" vibe. Spends more time on his model trains and ship in a bottle building than his baseball team.

Asking Santa for: Love, compassion, a profitable quarter. Supremacy over Frank "Kramer" McCourt in "Risk: A game of world domination played by two men who can barely run their own baseball teams." Carlsbad is NOT weak!

What to give: Collectible shit that weirdos use to replace the need for human interaction. A Time magazine from 1937 or Craig Biggio game-used toenail clipper would do nicely.

Nintendo, aka "Giant Home-Run Happy Fun Ninja Show!"

Owns: Seattle Mariners, patent on technology that uses Italian plumbers to convert bricks into currency.
Closely Resembles: The ONE company in the world that possibly has your dream job of getting paid six figures to play video games and eat pork rinds.
Asking Santa for: Americans to acquire a taste for fried octopus dough-balls. More Thundersticks, too.
What to give: Offer your humility and most sincere gratitude, and like a quiet stream your reward shall be returned tenfold.

Arte Moreno, aka Montoyo Santana
Owns: Los Angeles/Chatsworth/Murietta Angels of Anaheim/Fullerton/Irvine, several third world countries.
Closely Resembles: Every character that James Edward Olmos has ever played. He's a silent bad-ass with tons of cash, and nobody in the family asks where he got it from. Uses "Real Estate" as a blanket term for his various clandestine pelt smuggling and arms manufacturing operations. It's part of a business model designed to keep beer prices low. Refuses to trade highly touted prospects because, "Once you're in, you're in for life." Will go Little Puppet on you in a second.
Asking Santa For: The Angels to be considered a multi-national corporate entity based out of an island in the Caymans. Another Tecate.
What to give: Your undying loyalty. You don't get a choice, by the way.

Happy Holidays from PHN to you. Yes you, personally.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

RIP Sean Taylor

Crappy day to come out of a blogging slumber. Redskins safety Sean Taylor has just passed away, two days after taking a bullet in the leg from a burglar at his South Florida home. Just a really gruesome situation, compounded by the fact that he leaves a wife and son behind.

As if Darrent Williams' murder and Kevin Everett's near-death hit during a game wasn't enough sobering news from the NFL this season, to see one of it's best young players go out like this is absolutely terrible. If there's any lesson, it's that you never know when it's going to be you, so live life to the fullest and all that good stuff.

Friends and family place flowers on the doorstep of the Taylor home in Palmetto Bay, Florida.

Sean Taylor, Pro-Bowl safety, dead at 24.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

With all the giving of thanks, pre-holiday planning and post-turkey naps, we haven't found a lot of time to write about the sports world lately. The fun-loving Puritans who started Thanksgiving intended it as a day of repenting, so all of us Pink Hatters beg your forgiveness and promise to do better in the coming weeks.

Friday, November 16, 2007

The Asterisk Era

After all the speculation, the booing and the best selling books, a grand jury apparently found hard evidence that Barry Bonds did steroids and since he said he didn’t in a courtroom, he’s been indicted for perjury. A guilty verdict could land him in jail for up to 30 years.

The B man will probably never see the inside of a gray bar hotel, and honestly I don’t think he should. I am a baseball purist; if I didn’t root for an American League team and worship at the altar of David Ortiz, I would hate the designated hitter rule. I wish more pitchers went the full 9 innings and it bothers me when guys don’t run out ground balls. So naturally I can’t stand that so many guys did/do steroids, and used their help to break some of the most hallowed records in the game. But the thing is, more and more evidence is coming out that everyone was doing it. Juiced up hitters were being celebrated for slamming homeruns off juiced up pitchers who were being celebrated for somehow getting better after their 37th birthdays. In real life “everyone was doing it” isn’t an excuse, but in sports it almost is. If 80 percent of your opponents are using something to get an edge and you’re not …well, there’s a fine line between being noble and being a chump is all I'm saying.

Barry Bonds is a jerk and it’s a shame he had to be the one to break a record set by one of the classiest guys to ever play the game. He deserves the public scorn he’s earned. But jail time for cheating at a game? I think our courts have more important things to do.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

At Least Jake Can Win Something Post Season

Jake Peavy has officially unanimously won the CY Young award. This should really come as no surprise as he lead the NL in wins, ERA and strikeouts. Now, maybe next year, he can win a playoff game. That would be a pleasant surprise.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Kakkoii!* But maybe not.

It was announced today that the 2008 MLB season will begin in Japan with a game between the Boston Red Sox and the Oakland A's at the Tokyo Dome. The part of me that loves the Olympics and went to all three San Diego games of the World Baseball Classic thinks this is a really cool idea. The part of me that doesn't want my team to start the season with two 13-hour flights kind of hates it. I've heard the players aren't too jazzed, but ballplayers whine about everything. I guess we'll just have to see.

*According to, kakkoii means "cool" in Japanese. Apologies to any Japanese speakers if I'm wrong.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Boltin' the Colt .... in's

The other two citizens of Pink Hat Nation got the day off for Veteran’s Day (just another reason you should get a government or quasi-government job, kids) so I’ll take it upon my hard-laboring self to say, “YAY CHARGERS! TAKE THAT PEYTON MANNING!!”

Though the Patriots are my one true love when it comes to the NFL, I like to flirt with the Chargers since I’m living in their city, and yesterday they pulled off a much needed win against the “mighty” Colts. Actually, the Chargers defense pulled off a much needed win; their offense did everything they could to cough up the game. After going up 23-0 in the first half, the Colts put up 21 in the second and despite 6(!) Manning interceptions, the Chargers couldn’t get anything else done. Luckily, Adam Vinatieri shanked a field goal late in the 4th quarter and the Colts couldn’t catch up.

So now the Chargers are 5-4. Best in the West! Erik Weddle had a decent game, so expect more (and better) analysis from Dave later this week.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Chinga Te, El Maddon!

As many of you know, there is a long, star-studded list of NFL players that have fallen victim to the so-called "Madden Curse." From Garrison Hearst's grizzy ankle fracture in the playoffs to Shaun Alexander's injury-riddled, underachieving season in 2006, he who adorns the cover of the famed EA sports video game basically gets screwed. Any if we had known about this, we wouldn't have even bothered with an election:

Say Chowder!

With this year's cover boy, Vince Young, clearly immune to any kind of bad fortune (I mean, the guy wins basically every game while throwing for 60 yards and two interceptions), the curse had to befall another unfortunate individual.

And this past week the Madden Gods struck down Chargers defensive end Luis Castillo, who glossed this year's first edition of "Madden Espanol," where everything from game menus to announcing is in Spanish. Last week against the Vikings, Castillo tore tendons in his right ankle, and is expected to miss six weeks, if not more. The struggling Chargers need all the help they can get, and now who knows if they have the manpower to even make the playoffs. At least Chiefs running back Larry Johnson looks like he'll be hanging out with Jay-Z for the rest of the year instead of playing NFL Football due to injury, so the Bolts (believe it or not), are still in the driver's seat when it comes to the AFC West.

EA Sports, if you're reading this, here are some suggestions to for next year's El Maddon cover: Brett Favre, Tom Brady, Bill Belichik, Al Davis, Champ Baily. ALL Latino, swear to god.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Instant hit

For the first time, Major League Baseball is going to consider something the rest of us have wanted for decades: instant replay.

It’ll only be used to address so-called “boundary calls:” when there is a dispute over a ball being fair or foul, if its hard to tell if it got out for a home run or just bounced off the top of the wall, if a fan interfered, etc. It won’t be used for balls and strikes, even though the only good thing (if you can call it that) to come out of FOX’ playoff coverage was the “Fox Trax” feature showing us just how often home plate umps are off.

One of my favorite things about baseball is the inherent unfairness of it all: the blown calls, the total reliance on flawed human beings. But I’m still in favor of this. The biggest argument against instant replay in baseball has always been that the games are long enough as it is, and it would be ridiculous to use IP for every pitch. But using it for foul balls and homeruns shouldn’t take any more time than it already does for the manager to run on the field and kick up dust in protest, and you’ll get the right call more often. I say let’s got to tape!

Friday, November 2, 2007

It finally happened

You knew they were out there. Watching. Waiting for the right time to strike. The Pink Hats have invaded Jack Murphy.

Memo to all bandwagon SD fans: If I catch anyone out there wearing a pink Weddle jersey, I will personally get Arnold to hunt you down on a horse with Tom Arnold a la True Lies.

"Go Chah-juh, go!"

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Where is the love?

When Michael Jordan’s Bulls were dominating the NBA in the mid-90s, we were told we were witnessing the greatest basketball player in the history of the game. And we probably were.

When the New York Yankees won a record number of games in 1998 and went on to win 3 consecutive World Series Championships … OK, a few fans bases called them the Evil Empire, but for the most part, writers waxed poetic about the perfection on the field.

When Peyton Manning and his offense was blowing the doors off teams with scores like 49-14, 41-10, 41-9 and 51-24 in the 2004 season, it was literally called a “work of art.”

So why are this year’s Patriots a-holes?

I’m a Patriots fan so I can’t really analyze this objectively. I’m hoping one of our other contributors or faithful readers can. It feels like any other time in history you had a dominating team, they got applauded. But today, pundits seem angry with the Patriots, finding fault with their success. As a longtime Yankee hater, I understand that fans tend to hate a perennial winner, but even national sports writers and commentators are getting in on this.

Is it “camera-gate”? Is it Bill Belichick’s prickly personality? Is it the confusing feelings American men get when they look into Tom Brady’s dreamy blue eyes? I just don’t know.

What I do know, is that somehow the Patriots are “classless,” even when before each game they say glowing things about their opponents and talk about how hard they are preparing to face them, while their opponents (like the Redskins two weeks ago) say that they see chinks in the Patriots’ armor and are going to beat them. I know that when Peyton Manning puts up 41 points on a team it's historic; when Tom Brady does it it's "piling on." I know that a sport that prides itself on toughness is essentially asking the Patriots to go easy and show mercy to their opponents. I know some of the people who are calling the Patriots’ character into question are saying they expect some other opponent to take a “cheap shot” at Brady one of these days. Yeah, that’s real classy.

As a fan, camera-gate was embarrassing. But now, with the league watching the team like a hawk for any hint of impropriety; with other players salivating at the chance to bring the villains down, the Patriots are still blowing through games. And somehow this is a bad thing. I just don’t get it. Someone please explain it to me.

I got some figures and quotes from this column. But I was thinking all this before I read that, I swear!

Marshawn's Greatest Hits (Vol. 1)

The city of Buffalo has been dumped on over the years for their bad/choking sports teams, and the verdict over at Rumors & Rants is is that Buffalo reigns supreme as "America's Biggest Sports Loser." Even off the field, ex-Bills running back(and former University of Miami star) Willis McGahee slammed the Buffalo scene, implying that places like Applebee's and Dave & Busters are not suitable establishments for an athlete of his caliber.

While South Beach it's not, NEW Bills running back Marshawn Lynch proves that there are few places in America more happening than Buffalo in this ESPN "Mayne Event" segment that a Rochester fan put up on youtube. Usually, I think these segments are contrived and boring, but this is one of the few that's entertaining, largely because Marshawn gets to be Marshawn.

There is no better ambassador of Hyphy to upstate New York, and without further or due, we present both his latest, and greatest:

The Mayne Event. This guy must have an S load of tickets.

Gettin his swerve on in celebration of a big win over Washington. Homeboy tried to Ghost Ride the Whip, but it's hard to put maintanance carts in neutral, apparently.

Ladies of Buffalo, cop that rookie card!

Hope you enjoy, and happy Thursday everyone.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

No Free Candy here, just Links

Peja Stojakovic and his Gypsy Pirate Whore of a wife enjoyed Halloween at the Palms in 2006. Maybe this year he will dress as an NBA player who actually plays defense?

-A 2007-08 preview of every single NBA player. Can't wait for Bob Sura to posterize Shaq. [Free Darko]

-Did Grant Fuhr steal his 29 year old son's record collection? Or maybe he just thinks Brandon Boyd is hot? []

-Nothing to do with sports, but sheepskin sandals sound like a great idea. [Bonsai Sheepskin]

-Your 2008 Bulter University hoops preview. For everyone who needs their daily dose of AJ Graves. [Construda]

-Free agent ceterfielder Mike Cameron is a stim junkie. [FanHouse]

-De Cort Shee-leeng (Curt Schilling, in non-Dominican) has a list of teams he would like to play for. Yes, we all have to care, it's the law. [38 Pitches]

Happy Halloween everyone!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen, You can put him on the Board

First the Texans, then POD for that stupid Chargers theme song that lost the playoff game for us.

That's right, interception numero uno for Eric Weddle. Sage Roselfels, thanks for the dying quail out of your own endzone. Somehow there's no picture of this on the Chargers website or Yahoo, so if anyone finds one, please send it so it can be posted. But Arnold in Bolts gear is ALMOST equally as awesome.

So Dean, if your daughter is Alyssa Milano, and she ever gets kidnapped, hunt the guy down and impale him with a lead pipe.

In celebration, here is a great, great video about the University of Utah's Pro Day, where NFL scouts work-out players. Just goes to show you that a lot of hard work goes in before guys take the field on Sundays, and not a lot separate those who make the cut and those who go back to working at Kroger's.

And Belichik, if you're listening, don't ever offer to pay for my drinks, 'cause I'll run up the tab like you run up the score.

ZING!!!! I'll be here all week.

And is it possible that everything is coming up Norv-alous?

Yay, my fantasy team won this week! What's the pot this year, anyways?

Sunday, October 28, 2007

People I Love (Vol. 1)

Sorry Rockies, turns out it's Soxtober.

A lot of people thought Red Sox fans lost their identity when Boston finally won it all in 2004. That's bollocks. Yeah, it feels like we've been here before - but here is heaven.

OK, I know you're all sick of Red Sox posts, so if you can't rejoice in the sweet taste of a Boston victory, take solace in the fact that I won't be talking about the Olde Towne Team for a while .... at least until the hot stove heats up. When's that, next week?

SEC Couch Report

No, darlin, that's not what kind of pearl necklace I was talking about

I watch SEC football on the couch on Saturdays, that's just the way it is. Pretty sure it's some kind of subconscious way of re-connecting with me grandparents, as I fondly remember those weekends in Lilian, Alabama, watching the Alabama slug it out with Auburn in the Iron Bowl. If you're ever down that way, I highly suggest cruising accross the panhandle to Perdido Bay for some fresh oysters, fried catfish or grouper, and a hearty bowl of gumbo. The "Original" Oyster House and the Perdido Pass are both great.

When asked if he rooted for the Saints or Falcons, my grandfather replied, "Son, we don't need no pro-fesh-nal team. We got the Tide."
Some random kid fishing at Perdido Pass

This weekend CBS presented us with the Florida v. Georgia game played in Jacksonville, known archaically as "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party." Apparently three people have died from post-game partying at this event since 2004.

As for the acutual game, it appears that Matt Stafford, Knowshon Moreno and Mohammed Massoquoi are big, sexy beasts, and they helped lead the 'Dawgs to a 42-23 upset. For the third time this season the Red Sea has failed to part for Tebow, possibly leading some to downgrade his status from "All Powerful Diety" to merely an "Olympian Harbinger of Doom."

All in all, a great experience. If nothing else, it hopefully spoiled Gator-lover Erin Andrews' day. Either way, you KNOW this guy is pissed:

*Late addendum. Don't know how I forgot to include this touchdown celebration by Georgia (in which the entire team rushes the field), but watch the whole minute and a half and you will be rewarded with a slow motion butt-dance.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Sir Links-a-lot

-An artist in Scottsdale, AZ, builds miniature ballparks out of Jell-O. [Ump Bump]

-Ricky Henderson's recipe for Bloody Marys. [Riding with Ricky]

-Big Ten Football's "Porn Name All-Stars." [The Extrapolator]

-Yes, it's almost time for Fantasy Hoops again. Point guard rankings are a good place to start. [Empty the Bench]

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Something is burning, and it's not Jim Rome

Just an FYI, the Union Tribune has a Wildfires Blog, and it's a good resource regarding various issues if you have been affected by the fires, want to help or are just curious about what's going on.

And no, Deadspin commentors, this is not the result of Norv Turner "burning another team/city to the ground." Sick bastards.

Lots of people are screwed right now, and SD appreciates any good vibes and/or karma sent down this way. Peace out, and hopefully everyone can stay positive.

Local authorities struggle to contain the chaos and violence amongst bloodthirsty evacuees at Qualcomm Stadium.