Do I Have to Watch?

I'm torn about the Super Bowl...on one hand, I'm tired of New England winning everything. On the other, I hate Eli Manning. Since he refused to come play in San Diego (and had 60,000 people scream "Eli Sucks" for 3 hours the first time he played at Qualcomm), I've loathed his stupid ugly face. I really hope he loses abysmally and has to spend years regaining his confidence and remaining inferior to his older brother. Which, I guess, means I'm rooting for the Patriots. Geez. I just feel dirty...if Seacrest weren't "hosting" the Super Bowl (whatever the hell that means) I might skip the game all together...

PHN Playoff Breakdown

B-B-B-B-Baby you aint seen nuthin yet

First, let's get the NFC Championship game out of the way. After breaking down film and talking with myriad experts, I have formulated a solid prediction of the Green Bay vs. New York Giants game: Stuff will happen, somebody wins, final score something-to-something. Great, now we can move on to the epic Clash of the Titans (if you ask the national media, there's really only one Titan in this game). Unlike other blogs and mainstream media, we at PHN actually go INSIDE the game, to bring you key matchups that will determine the outcome of the game.

Matchup number 1: Philip Rivers' Mouth vs. the entire Gilette stadium

Let's see, I'm gonna tell Vrabel he's a pig-humper, multiply that times 2...

This is probably the most important matchup of the game. The Chargers are 2-0 in contests where Philip trashes the opponent and/or it's fans, and I would even go so far as 3-0 if you count the "come an git sum" hand motions to Raider fans in Oakland. While the health of his knees are will determine whether or not he plays, it's the health of his tongue and vocal cords that could very well determine the outcome of this game. "Ya'll go home and eat sum flippin clams, yeeee haaaa!" How someone's trash talking is this effective sans profanity, I have no clue.

Matchup number 2: Eric Weddle vs. Wes Welker

It's no secret, when teams take away Rand Moss, Wes Welker is the main man. His three yard catches followed by a 5-yard Blanka-style roll eat up crucial yardage and keep drives going. Readers of this blog know I'm a huge Weddle fan, he has the speed, strength, versatility and awareness to at least hang with Welker in the slot. No doubt they will sometimes blitz Weddle to create some confusion (hard to do with Brady), but if E-Dub can stick with the Welk, it will be a huge part to stopping the Patriots.

This guy's a little bee-snatch

Matchup number 3: Moss vs. Crime Time

This is huge. This could be the Chargers secret weapon, the ability to leave Randy Moss in single coverage and focus on rushing Brady and stopping the other Patriots receivers. Cromartie winning this matching could mean the difference between touchdown scoring bombs, and 5 play drives ending in a punt. The man is a physical freak of nature, maybe the best athlete in the NFL, and a protype DB to stop Moss. But will the Cro-Man bite on the cleverly designed Patriot routes and double-moves? Probably so, but it's going to be fun to watch them go up for jump balls.

Grand Larceny!

Matchup number 4: Refs vs. Chargers Defense

Anybody that has watched the Patriots this year can attest to the fact that merely brushing a New Enlgand receiver with a hangnail downfield or subjecting Tom Brady to your extreme halitosis can result in a game-changing penalty. And anybody who watched the Colts game saw that it was one of the worst officiated games in recent memory, with most of the calls going against the Bolts. E-Weezy gets called for a hold killing a Cromartie return, while just the day before Welker springs Maroney for a big run with a blatant fist-full of jersey. How Phil Luckett is still employed after fucking up a coin toss, we'll never know. Far be it from a blogger to speculate on hidden NFL agendas and how they play out on Sundays, but a lot of what we've seen this year reeks. The Pats will not change their game plan, but the Chargers need to make sure and time their hits right to avoid the piss-colored hankie.

Matchup number 5: LT and Gates/Buster Davis vs. the Ghosts of Chargers Past

It's no secret, Rodney HGHarrision and Senior Seau are both old and slow. Just go back and look at Senior trying to cover Bryan Westbrook against the Eagles, it looked like a bad game of tag. The Bolts need to exploit these weaknesses on offense. Circle routes and middle screens to LT may be effective, and pretty much anyone in the slot will be able to burn Harrison, including Gates and rookie Buster Davis. They were both able to burn supposed Denver "shutdown corner" Champ Baily in two earlier games versus the Donkeys. And of course, Charger fans all remember the nice send-off we gave Senior, and his "I'm not retiring, I'm graduating" speech, only to come back to the Pats the year after a heartbreaking playoff loss to them. Strange bedfellows, indeed. But he is a U$C Trojan, so what else did you expect?

Goodbye Junior, time to institute the "Early Bird Special" at your restaurant

Whew, that was intense. Not to say that these will be the only important matchups of the game, but these are the ones that stick out in the minds of the PHN NFL editorial staff (basically, me). Please enjoy the game, and feel free to check these predictions on Monday, and leave a comment about how swart we are!

And one final note on the NFC game, let's not forget about this ultimate d-bag moment:

No Time for Calls of Perfection (yet)

Watch out, Tom

It's important, in times like these, to keep one's head.

When your football team goes unbeaten in the regular season and your quarterback and wide reciever both break two of the games most hallowed records (on the same play!) it's important not to get caught up in talk of perfection. After all, nothing is perfect. For example, if the Patriots lose in the playoffs, everyone will forget how good they were and just call them choke artists. Far from perfect

An even better example: apparently Tom Brady didn't like "No Country for Old Men." Throw all the touchdown passes and flash all the swoon inducing smiles you want sir, but no one who doesn't appreciate the virtuosity of that film can ever be called perfect.

Great arm, great eyes, poor taste in cinema.

Tape-gate

One of the best parts about watching the Patriots succeed over the past six or so years has been that they’ve done it through hard work and class. So you can imagine the disappointment that the team apparently cheated Sunday when it videotaped the Jets’ sideline. What’s worse, this isn’t the first time an incident like this has occurred; the Pats also got in trouble for taping Green Bay last year. Bill Simmons recently explained better than I ever could what it feels like to have your favorite team, once a laughingstock, morph into a powerhouse and network favorite, so I won’t get into that. I’m sure fans of the Chargers, Eagles, Panthers, Colts and others are ecstatic about this, and I don’t blame them. As a fan of the Patriots though – and as a fan in general - this raises some interesting questions. Most importantly: at what point do the human failings of team personnel force you to root against the team in general?



Bill Belichick has pretty much been a God Among Men in New England since the first Super Bowl win. He is touted as a bonafide genius, and I’m inclined to agree. In recent years, a few things came out to slightly tarnish his image. Last year he refused to shake Eric Mangini’s hand after a game. Then later in the year, after the Pats beat the Jets in the playoffs, Belichick forcefully pushed a cameraman out of the way in order to get to Mangini for a post-game hug. The Boston sports media is notorious for tearing down idols, so I couldn’t help but think some of these things were blown out of proportion. But now this.

New England fans don’t care for showboating and players who run their mouths, so the Patriots’ working class ethic was very endearing. The whole cheating thing really changes the dynamic. And it calls into question Belichick’s genius, since why would he have to cheat if he’s so smart? Or, is he now an evil genius? And is it OK to root for an evil genius, provided he’s your evil genius?

Personally, this isn’t enough to make me stop cheering on the Patriots, but it certainly takes us down a peg. I think that’s the ultimate lesson New England fans should take away: we hate to think of ourselves as the Yankees of the NFL, and a way to prove we’re not is to accept that this was a horrible call by our coaching staff and accept the punishment with humility. This weekend, I’ll do my best to endure the taunts of Chargers fans with stoic silence.

(Until we kick their asses, that is. It wasn’t the video camera that sacked Chad Pennington and almost broke his foot. Look out!)