Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Tony Romo dates tramps and other eternal truths of the Universe

Tony Romo headed for supper on the ranch with Ira and Barry.

After watching the NFL slowly degenerate over the last 15 years into a league of soft/incompetent quarterbacks, instant reply on EVERY single close play and defensive backs who are allowed more contact with the Pope than receivers, what took place last week pretty much felt like rock bottom to me and a lot of other NFL fans.

Before getting into specifics, let me point out one thing: Joe Buck is a fucking idiot, and should actually change his name to Joe Fuck.

Last Sunday's Cowboys game was a milestone in NFL history. However, understanding what took place involves comprehending a complex mathematical equation with multiple variables. But we here at PHN are more than happy to dumb it down an color code it for ya'll.

First, you have the asshole above, Joe Fuck, who's value will be labeled "FUCK," since that's what everyone says when they hear he is announcing a game that they plan to watch.

Next is Dallas quarterback Tony Romo, and we will simply assign him his initials "TR."

Third we have TR's erstwhile concubine Miss Jessica Simpson, aka "3 D's" for obvious reasons.

What happens next is complicated, so grabbing a hot cup of Yerba Mate might help:

1) Tony Romo (TR) decides to start dating Jessica Simpson (3 D's).
2) Joe Fuck assigned to call Cowboys/Eagles game for Fox. TR is playing in this game, and 3 D's is watching from the luxury box.
3) FUCK tells us how manly and legendary TR is, then obviously analy fondles himself (A) over 3 D's and her pink Cowboys jersey:

Ergo, the sum of said events is as follows-

Jessica Simpson (3 D's) + Joe Buck (FUCK) + Tony Romo (TR) + Anal self-fondling (A)

You can carry the (D's) and the (A), since a variable in any equation with all douchbags is commutative like that.

Therefore, we come to the conlclusion that:

Jessica Simpson + Joe Buck (+ thumb in his own butt) + Tony Romo



Who would EVER have guessed?


Liz said...

You're a new Einstein, Dave. Did I spell that right?

Dave H said...

I think that's right, "i before e except after c"

Thanks, though. After writing that, my right hemisphere has made itself unavailable for the rest of the day.