Thursday, October 30, 2008

Keep your shirt on

I get emails from Major League Baseball a lot, because I was stupid enough to buy a t-shirt or something from them after the Red Sox won in 2004. Now, for four years, I get at least five emails from them a week. I have tried to get off this mailing list. There's no getting off. Apparently buying a t-shirt from MLB is some kind of Faustian bargain. Tell your children.

This afternoon though, I got an email from MLB that made me think. (And no, I never thought I'd write a sentence like that). The email was trying to sell me Philalelphia Phillies championship gear. You know, shirts and hats with way too much writing on them that will look outdated and silly in about 3 years, but that you're obligated to buy if your team wins a championship? And it got me thinking: Does anyone who isn't an actual fan of the Phillies buy these?

Like, is there a guy somewhere, who owns championship t-shirts for the Red Sox, Cardinals, Marlins, Angels and everyone else who's won a World Series in the last 20 years, even though he's a fan of like, the Kansas City Royals? Does he also own a collection of those leather-bound, gilt-lettered Sports Illustrated books that come out after each championship? And does he stop at baseball? Does he also own shirts for the New York Giants, Boston Celtics and Detroit Red Wings? Does he have chili stains on his shirt? Because I picture him with chili stains on his shirt. I need to know these things!!!

In a similar vein, some of you may wonder what happens to the championship t-shirts that are printed for the losing team. Everyone knows they get made, because winning teams are presented with their shirts and hats immediately. Somewhere out there, there are Tampa Bay Rays World Series Champions t-shirts. Well, dear readers, this is one I can answer. Those shirts are sent to impoverished countries to clothe impoverished people. Aren't our sports leagues nice?


words words words said...

I'm not even buying a shirt, and no one is happier about the Phillies than I am. The thing I always wonder about is people who buy those "Division Champions" and "National League Champion" shirts and hats before the playoffs are over. To me, that says you think your team is going to lose. Because if your team wins the championship, will you ever wear a "Division Champion" shirt?

Most egregious: During the Phillies' parade, one of the TEAM MEMBERS was wearing a "Division Champions" hat. That's like George Clooney trying to pick up women by telling them he was the boss with terrible hair in "Roseanne".

SportsRoids said...

Haha, this is so true. Once they get their hooks in you, the big corporate machine will wear away at you until they get what they want. YOUR MONEY! I have worked in the League, and I know first hand how deep their intel goes. If you have bought a MLB licensed cereal, they know who you are.