This is It

The final weekend of regular season baseball. The National League is freaking insane. I'm currently putting curses on Arizona and Colorado and Philly and NY. Go Cubbies and Padres. Let's go for 1984 Take 2.

The Best Thing I've Seen All Day

Proof that Cubs fans are insane and totally awesome.

The Man, the Myth, the Tebow

In a disturbing, yet entertaining, rip-off of Chuck Norris facts, we now have Tim Tebow Facts thanks to the Gator honks in Gainsville and beyond. A few things people may be unaware of:

-When Tim Tebow was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he threw a football at the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

-Tim Tebow always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

-For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Tim Tebow, each testicle is larger than the other one.

-On his birthday, Tim Tebow randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

-When taking the SAT, write 'Tim Tebow' for every answer. You will score more than 1600.

-Tim Tebow once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

The Tebow is a force we have not seen in college football since, ummmm, Eric Crouch? And please show your support for the Tebow Bill that benefits home-schooled southern children, or Tim will consume your soul. With a bowl of Grape Nuts.

The more things change...

White girls from suburban Boston should keep their mouths shut when the topic turns to race, so I’ll let ESPN’s Howard Bryant do the talking for me. He’s written an interesting piece on the racial component of the Michael Vick case.

I remember thinking when this case first broke that it probably wouldn’t have racial overtones, since even though Vick is black, the evidence was pretty clear. More importantly, he hurt animals. Everyone loves puppies, right? As is so often the case, I was wrong.

Bryant gives several examples of reader emails that show just how disparate opinions were on this matter, and they were nearly always divided on racial lines. (One thing he only brushes on that I wish he’d get into a bit more is the class issue. I think a lot – not all, but a lot - of America’s racial problems are really class problems). There are so many black pro-athletes now that it’s easy to think sports are one area where people can come together and forget about stuff like race, but these emails prove how much its still not.

I Still Believe

Call me naive, but I still think the Padres are gonna make the playoffs. After being swept by the Rockies this weekend (ugh!) we are hanging on to the Wild Card by the skin of our teeth, but we get to play the crap-tastic Giants and the faltering Brewers from here on out. I think we can do it. Power of positive thinking, people!

San Diego=Mediocrity

Pathetic. Just Pathetic. After that loss, I was finally forced to admit that our fair city is a breeding ground for medocrity. The remainder of this rant goes beyond sports, but I will merely say that if Thomas Edison grew up anywhere in San Diego, he would have somehow found a way to work as a waiter for 20 years, foregoing the whole "light bulb non-sense" for some tasty waves and a cool buzz.

Charger players, enjoy riding your H-2 to Stingaree for your free dinner tonight. It's the least our city can do in exchange for that Shit Bisque you served us this morning.*

*The above does not apply to LT.

Cheater!

So, looks like someone is finally being seriously punished for using banned substances in professional sports. Of course, it's cycling (Is that even a professional sport? Or is it like the Olympics? And does anyone really care about cycling anyway? Now that Lance Armstrong is better known for kickin' it with McConaughey and almost marrying Sheryl Crow than he is for winning a million Tour de France races).

Anywho, Floyd Landis lost an appeal over his positive test for synthetic testosterone after he won the Tour de France. Now, he has to forfeit his title...the first person in 105 years to do so...geez, that's gotta suck. Good luck clearing your name after that one, buddy.

People I Hate (Vol. I)

The last (hopefully) on "Bili-cheater-camera-tape-whatver the f*ck" Gate

From the New York Post:

Case of the Mondays Link Dump

-Love Michael Bolton. Celebrate his entire catalogue. Be a part of the fan community!

-Congrats to Curtis Granderson for joining the 20-20-20-20 club. The man wears high socks, loves retired WWF superstar Ted Dibiase and is Britain's adopted ambassador for baseball. What's there not to like? [Freep.com]

-According to Redskin's tight end Chris Cooley, it's pretty easy to deposit your $9 million paycheck using the drive-through lane at the bank. [Washington Post]

-You knew it was coming. Reports are out that the Notre Dame players have quit on Charlie Weis, and the official campaign to fire him has started at http://www.cancharlie.com/. The biggest disgrace is that ex-Domer coach Ty Willingham has a assembled a better team at Washington, and somehow recruited a more talented freshman quarterback than Jimmy Clausen in Jake Locker. [Rumors and Rants]

-San Diego's XX Sports Radio will be the first in the nation to carry Dan Patrick's new non-ESPN syndicated radio show. Tune in for your daily does of arrogant snarky-ness. [San Diego Union-Tribune]

That's it for today, let's everybody hope Tony Kornheiser is somehow NOT in the booth for tonight's game!

God Bless the San Francisco Giants

You gotta love your team playing one of the worst teams in baseball in late September. This weekend, the Padres swept the crap-tastic Giants. Next, we get to dominate the sucky Pirates (who are literally just as bad as the Giants). Of course, the D-Backs play both teams as well, so I think the Padres are gonna have to settle for the Wild Card this year, but wait 'til the playoffs. This is the year Peavy finally wins a playoff game.

Jon Gruden

The only man who could possibly save this team. Thank you Chargers, that was utterly gutless.

And thanks to Tom Brady for calling his coach the greatest of all time like, two months after Bill Walsh dies. A$$hole.

FYI

Vote for your favorite, create a caption, or whatever

A Wheaties themed post, why the hell not?

Tape-gate

One of the best parts about watching the Patriots succeed over the past six or so years has been that they’ve done it through hard work and class. So you can imagine the disappointment that the team apparently cheated Sunday when it videotaped the Jets’ sideline. What’s worse, this isn’t the first time an incident like this has occurred; the Pats also got in trouble for taping Green Bay last year. Bill Simmons recently explained better than I ever could what it feels like to have your favorite team, once a laughingstock, morph into a powerhouse and network favorite, so I won’t get into that. I’m sure fans of the Chargers, Eagles, Panthers, Colts and others are ecstatic about this, and I don’t blame them. As a fan of the Patriots though – and as a fan in general - this raises some interesting questions. Most importantly: at what point do the human failings of team personnel force you to root against the team in general?



Bill Belichick has pretty much been a God Among Men in New England since the first Super Bowl win. He is touted as a bonafide genius, and I’m inclined to agree. In recent years, a few things came out to slightly tarnish his image. Last year he refused to shake Eric Mangini’s hand after a game. Then later in the year, after the Pats beat the Jets in the playoffs, Belichick forcefully pushed a cameraman out of the way in order to get to Mangini for a post-game hug. The Boston sports media is notorious for tearing down idols, so I couldn’t help but think some of these things were blown out of proportion. But now this.

New England fans don’t care for showboating and players who run their mouths, so the Patriots’ working class ethic was very endearing. The whole cheating thing really changes the dynamic. And it calls into question Belichick’s genius, since why would he have to cheat if he’s so smart? Or, is he now an evil genius? And is it OK to root for an evil genius, provided he’s your evil genius?

Personally, this isn’t enough to make me stop cheering on the Patriots, but it certainly takes us down a peg. I think that’s the ultimate lesson New England fans should take away: we hate to think of ourselves as the Yankees of the NFL, and a way to prove we’re not is to accept that this was a horrible call by our coaching staff and accept the punishment with humility. This weekend, I’ll do my best to endure the taunts of Chargers fans with stoic silence.

(Until we kick their asses, that is. It wasn’t the video camera that sacked Chad Pennington and almost broke his foot. Look out!)

Weddle me this, Weddle me that

The first day of NFL football saw much of America in a drunken stupor before "normal" people made it out of their Sunday service for punch and generic brand Oreo cookies. I was busy worshipping an admittedly false idol by the name of Eric Weddle. Yet my ebay jersey had not arrived, and I wondered if this would have some kind of negative karmic impact on E-Dub's performance. Another auspicious decision was benching him on my co-managed fantasy league in favor of the Madbacker, Bart Scott. The force known as Weddle-Mania was about to be put to the test.

Thankfully, Eric had an impressvie debut in the Chargers victory over the Bears. He put pressure on Grossman by blitzing (even racking up his first NFL sack), provided solid coverage on 3rd downs and limited receivers yards after the catch. Even Peter King gave the boy props in his column as a "not good, but great addition" to the Bolts. Shocking, as Weddle involves niether Mike Vick, Roger Goddell, the Patriots, Jacoby Ellsbury or Starbucks coffee.

But of course, you're nobody until someone makes a fake myspace page of you. Next up this Sunday night is the Revenge Game against Tom Moynahan, Benedict Seau, Hormone Growth Harrison and company. As an answer to Ellis "Sorriest Corner in the League" Hobbs doing the Lights Out dance on our 50 yard line after last year's playoff loss, I am told that the if Chargers win, Aaron Boone will come out bearing all 26 Yankees World Series rings and dine on a McLobster sandwhich at midfield

This isn't just regular Chargers fever, my crotch itches way more than usual. Justice will be swift and merciless, GO BOLTS!

Girls kicking balls

I know girl’s sports don’t really count, but I’m still trumpeting the start of the Women’s Soccer World Cup this week. Team USA has pretty big shoes to fill; our last national team, with players like Mia Hamm and Brandi Chastain (a.k.a. The One who Took Her Shirt Off), won something like two World Cups and two Olympic gold medals. From what I hear though, this team is just as talented, maybe even more so. And hey, with Amy Winehouse playing forward, how can we lose?

Season 2

The Sports Gal is back! I am so excited about this. If you don't know, Bill Simmons is pretty much the most read sports columnist on the web (I have no actual facts to back this up...I'm just guessing) and last year he decided he wanted his wife to pick the winners each week during the football season and see which of them picked more winners in the end. She agreed with the condition she could rant about whatever she wanted each week without edit (this week she takes on celebs finding Jesus and Cameron Diaz - scroll down for her rant - she is hilarious). Of course, last year she ended up picking more winners than Bill (proving hard core football analysis is worthless...just kidding) and now she is back for another season. I hope she wins again.

Boom!

I know that to most guys John Madden is a God Among Men, but I can’t be the only person who finds him completely terrifying. He’s like the bastard child of Charles Bukowski and a Muppet. When the camera cuts back to him for commentary, I find myself startled as if someone just spliced footage of dead bunnies into the show.

He may be an expert analyst and lend his name to the best football video game on the market, but I for one will not be ready for some football until that man is in a burka.

Damn Yankees

I spent the weekend in NYC. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how awesome the city is...everyone knows. The main purpose of my trip was to see a game at Yankee Stadium before they tear it down for the new and improved stadium they are building across the street. My cousin Stephanie and I watched the Yankees take on the Seattle Mariners Tuesday night. Good times, my friends, good times.

First off, Yankee Stadium is kinda a let down. Obviously, it's old and dirty, but so is Wrigley Field (which is an awesome stadium). Yankee Stadium feels HUGE (and I guess it is), has a crappy sound system, an old announcer who sounds like he may die at any minute and pretty lame Jumbotron. The game, however, was everything I expected. The Yankees had lost a few games to Tampa Bay (hahahahahaha) and Seattle in the days leading up to my visit and they were ready for a big win...which they got. A 7 run 6th inning lead to a 12-3 Yankees victory. It was fun, as games always are when the home team is winning.

The real story of the night was the squirrel who climbed to the top of the right field pole about 10 minutes before the start of the game and just hung out. Our seats where almost directly in line with the Yankee Squirrel (who made an appearance a few weeks ago, from what I understand) and most people noticed him by the end of the 2nd inning (Steph was convinced he was a hired squirrel). At the top of the 6th inning, YS decided he needed to get out of the wind (or something) and started to climb down the foul pole. People started cheering the little guy on until some idiot threw some food at him. He got scared and made his way back up the pole...everyone booed and Steph said, "Whoever threw that is going to hell." YS then begin climbing up and down the foul pole...especially during A-Rod's at bat...and our section cheered whenever YS would head down the pole and became discouraged when he turned to head back up. People started chanting "Let's Go Squir-rel!" until finally, YS made his way to the bottom of the section and out of sight. The crowed erupted like the Yankees just hit another home run. Ichiro even looked up at us from center field probably thinking "What the hell are those people cheering about?" but he talks to animals, so I'm sure he would understand. YS returned later, to much fanfare, and even ran through the stands at one point. He ended up on the Jumbotron and finished the game high atop the foul pole again. He probably had the best seat in the place.

I recommend a trip to Yankee Stadium before the Yankees move next door in '09. Sit up high and enjoy the game...and the squirrel.

Best Cheer: Hip Hip Jorge
Best Jumbotron Game: Guess the Yankee (given his number)
Stay For: Frank Sinatra singing "New York, New York" at the end of the game
Price of a Pink Hat: $20