When fantasy teams suck

I have the worst fantasy team in my league. I play with a group of people from my office, and I have yet to win a game. This past weekend, I played the only other person with an 0-3 record (The Battle of the Beatens). He destroyed me.

I'm so embarassed. I am a complete and total failure at this. My team should be good. On paper, we're always predicted to win. I have Peyton Manning, Jason Witten, Darren McFadden, Brandon Marshall. I was told these are good players. Well, guess what: Peyton Manning decided to get old this year, Darren McFadden is playing like a rookie, and the gods are punishing me for putting a woman beater like Marshall on my team.

So what do I do? Help me fantasy land. Tell me who to get and who to kick to the curb. I will not settle for a loser!

The Weekly Weddle: A Sweet INT

That one was for the haters.

So after two weeks of getting burned on the last play of the game (last week by Eddie Royal on a play that never should have happened, by the way), Weddle gets his head in the game and intercepts that one guy who's playing quarterback for the New York Jets. He's never in the media so I forgot his name, it's like Geroge Brett or something, but the letter "V" is somehow involved. Either way, it was a night of solid coverage and and a few hard hits in the secondary. Although he WAS knocked backwards by the Jets kicker in an attempt to recover an onside kick, he must have just lost his balance or something (one of those Merriman/Jones-Drew deals)

Anyways, midway through the third quarter said QB mis-reads a route with his receiver and lets the ball sail high. Just before it hits the ground, Weddle swoops in to make a diving catch. That's what the man does, he makes plays. Just in case you missed it, here's the clip (why this highlight is set to Icky Thump, I have no idea) :



Moreover, another blog known as Vegan Fish Tacos has espoused their own "Weddle Corollary" as it relates to players in the NBA Draft:

"The Eric Weddle Corollary: Players who do not have the 'sexiness' as draft prospects (typically because of physical attributes) but just love to play the
game and produce regardless.

(note: Eric Weddle was a defensive back for the Utah football team who had no draft hype originally but has already become a starter in his second year in the NFL)."

As you can see, Eric Weddle's influence reaches far beyond NFL Football. Tune in next week to read about Weddle and how he influences dark matter on the quantum level (if he so chooses)...

On leaving early

The Patriots lost yesterday. Bad. I won’t dwell on it, because no one wants to hear about it: Pats fans don't because it was brutal, and no one else does because they’re sick of the Patriots and think they had a big loss coming.

But this isn’t about the loss. This is about the Gillette Stadium faithful’s reaction to the loss. By the time the 4th quarter rolled around, and Ronnie Brown got to know the end zone better than Pacman Jones knows the strip clubs of greater Dallas, Patriots fans were streaming for the exits. The Razor was practically emptied by game’s end.

I hate this. I hate it when fans do this. Especially New England fans, who pride themselves on sticking with their teams through thick and thin (even they historically haven’t, as I’ve mentioned before). There’s an old Christian saying that you don’t ask God “Why me?” when good things happen to you, so you shouldn’t ask it when bad things happen. I think this applies to sports fans too. Besides, leaving early is for fans in Los Angeles and Florida, who New England fans are always making fun of.

Yes, the Patriots laid an egg and stunk up the joint like we haven’t seen since the Tony Eason era. But you’ve still got to stick it out and support your team. Especially a team like the Pats that’s been so great this decade. Of course there’s the rational that you should stay because you could miss the greatest comeback ever, but more realistically, you should stay to support your team, who, believe it or not, are arguably feeling crappier than you are.

And don't even get me started on the fans who booed the team after the first half...

Around the Web

I like these uniforms better than the navy & sand.

-Surprise, surprise, Monday Night Football actually had a good, exciting game on this past week. In case you missed it, DeSean Jackson pulled pretty much what will be the dumbest play of the year, throwing away a touchdown by celebrating too early. And it's not the first time for him, either, check the clip out. [You Been Blinded]

-Rather new to the blogosphere, SportsRoids brings you their Top 5 Sports Related Fights. If you haven't seen Jim Rome get beat down on live camera by Jim Everett, it's a must see. Lots of other good stuff here, especially for fantasy players and NFL fans in general. [SportsRoids]

-Tim Duncan has apparently been forwarding e-mails about the Large Hadron Collider to teammates. [Onion Sports]

-Should the Mountain West conference receive an automatic BCS bid? An 18-8 overall BCS Bowl record isn't a bad argument. [MWC Football]

-In case you missed it, U$C laid the smack-down on Ohio State last Saturday. Buckeyes' quarterback Todd Boeckman lays his feelings prostrate in a Dear Diary entry. Oh well, see you in Craig Krenzel-ville, Todd! [In The Bleachers],

-A San Francisco high school football coach has devised an offense known as the "A-11," in which seven potential receivers are on the field for any given play. Sounds pretty nuts, but apparently does it not only work, it decreased the risk of offensive players' injury. [NPR Sports]

-And finally, we have Padres rookies dressed up like Hooters girls. I agree with Jose Canseco in his book Juiced, that "the food there is quite good." [Gaslamp Ball]

Wanna watch a Ron Artest video with Mike Jones? You do? OK, well here you go. Have a great weekend everyone! :

On football and favorite sons: A nonsensical ramble

"I do this for love."

My house was full of San Diego boys watching the Chargers yesterday, and I was in the other room watching the Red Sox for the first few minutes. For some reason, this got me thinking about how a city is like a family and the sports teams are their children. Bear with me.

See, a lot of times in families, there’s one kid who is perceived as having tons of potential, and that kid is pushed really hard to realize that potential, while the other kid or kids get coddled. At least this is what I’ve been lead to believe by a lot of historical fiction. My own family was nothing like that, probably because none of us kids had any potential.

Now in this sports analogy, the Boston family – where I grew up – is highly abusive and unhealthy. All teams suck unless they make the playoffs, and even then, they’re merely tolerated unless they win a championship. This recent Red Sox obsession? Believe me, it was nothing like this when I was growing up. Back when they couldn't make the post season, people followed them, but nothing like this. Same with the Pats.

But San Diego, I’ve noticed, is a lot like the family described earlier: The Padres are the loveable loser kid who people will watch regardless of what happens, and the Chargers are the kid on whom the city’s placed all kinds of expectations. As a result, when the Padres suck this year, people kind of laugh it off. It’d be nice if they were better, but oh well. But the Chargers start the season 0-2, and the city’s asking Philip Rivers to cut it a switch.

Here is the realization: Usually, the kid who is pushed by his family thinks his family hates him. They end up very successful but full of resentment and daddy issues and self-loathing. Often times, they go into politics. But seeing the way San Diego reacts to the Chargers, I see that this is backwards. That kid who’s been pushed is actually loved the most. San Diego is a football town, after all.

It's amazing how sports can sometimes clarify completely unrelated principals. In other news, I shouldn’t be allowed to have children.

A Gallon of Donkey Shit

I'll finish the sentence for you, Norv. "F*ck the NFL"

That's really all there is to say about the travesty that was the Broncos victory over the Chargers this Sunday. The shitty officiating decided the game, and it just made me think of how this league has gotten worse and worse every year. Holding fans hostage to awful officiating and shameful marketing is not a way to "grow your brand," Mr. Goddell.

Hey, but at least those pink Tony Romo jerseys are flying off the shelf :)

“On the last play, it was clearly a fumble. Ed came over to me and said he blew it. That’s not acceptable to me. This is a high-level performance game. That’s not acceptable to have a game decided on that play."

-Chargers head coach Norv Turner

Everybody meet Timz...

Timz > P.O.D.

Sunday's Chargers game is a big one, as it's the Bolts first re-match with the Denver Donkeys since the infamous "Rivers-Cutler Smack-Talking-Gate" incident last season. So here's just a little pre-Sunday hype for the SD fans here, with a twist of local music. The San Diego born rapper known as Timz is one of the few Iraqi-American (Chaldian, specifically) rap artists getting attention these days. In 2006, his "Super Chargers" was aired on local cable television, and since then he's dropped his first full-length entitled "Open For Business" and a 2007 Chargers Remix:



Here's another interesting clip of him on Hannity & Colmes (with Chuck Norris guest hosting, how random is that?) discussing the political nature of his album and the situation in Iraq:



Well that's it for now, everyone enjoy their NFL/NCAA football weekend. Don't drink and drive, practice safe sex, consume quaaludes in moderation blah blah blah.

"You can't have pleasure if you don't have pain, well we've had it now let's have champagne...no matter who you got he is not LT, he's not twenty-one let me see his ID"

-Timz

The Weekly Weddle: Torched?

Dante's touchdown gave my stomach an inferno. Or was that the fish & chips?

So the Panthers upset the Chargers in week 1 at home on the last play of the game, as a Jake Delhomme touchtown pass soared over the outstretched fingers of Old No. 32 Eric Weddle. The resulting acrobatic catch by tight end Dante Rosario with time expiring stunned everyone at the Q. Not only that, but the Oregon product Rosario had a career day to the tune of seven catches for 96 yards, much of it against Weddle's coverage.

Subsequently I have received varioius texts/e-mails saying things like "Sorry dude, Weddle sux," "Weddle is terrible" and "We should sign John Lynch." Trying times to be a Weddle fan, indeed.

However, it's my opinion that this first performance should be taken with a grain of salt. Despite tons of playing time last season, this was his first NFL start at safety. The pourous run defense and a sub-par pass rush (looking at you, Merriman) made it easy for Carolina to pick apart the Chargers secondary. In addition, a lot of tight end coverage responsibilty lies not only with the safety, but middle linebackers being in the right spot. Donnie Edwards had this down to a science, but it's clear Matt Wilhelm has miles to go (if he ever gets there), and Derek Smith is on his last legs. In an interview with XTRA-1360's Dave & Jeff in the Morning (check the podcast section), Eric talks about how he was actually positioned at linebacker on the play, expecting safety help over the top. It's a pretty interesting breakdown; EW in the end blames himself for not getting there in time.

So one loss in the books, and some Charger fans angry at Weddle. But just remember one thing as the season progresses, that will help you stick with E-Dubs through thick and thin:

ERIC WEDDLE IS NOT MARLON MCCREE!


We all know how this play ends. A dead man would have done a better job. Eff you Marlon.

NFL News: Jaguars recognize the futility of existence

While the Jaguars may have been a sexy underdog pick to win the Super Bowl this year, it's going to be tough now that they have realized that life itself is a pointless, empty endeavor. This is just so funny, I had to share:


Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jacksonville Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life

Five stages of grief over #12

Not too far into the first quarter of Sunday's season opener, the Patriots' season died. Well, maybe not. Matt Cassell could turn into Tom Brady circa 2001, or the Pats could bring in Daunte Culpepper and get a vintage season out of him, but let's face it, lightning doesn't strike twice.

As a Pats fan, watching Brady go down (and possibly/probably take the team's season with him) followed the standard stages:

Denial: "Crap. Brady is grabbing his knee and not getting up. Wait! Wait! He's walking off the field. Almost on his own power. This can't be that bad."

Anger: "Hmm, he hasn't come back yet. The announcers are indicating this isn't good. Well what do they know, anyway? Bastards! Who's that guy who hit him? Pollard? What the f*ck was he doing? That was a cheap shot!!"

Bargaining: "Its because I just bought this new Patriots jersey, isn't it? It's cursed. I should have bought a Brady jersey rather than Vrabel. I'll burn it! I swear to God, I will burn this $80 jersey in my chiminea if you just say Brady's going to be ok!"

Depression: *Glug glug glug* "Why did this have to happen? On the first fracken' day of the season! Now they're not going to make the playoffs like every other Super Bowl loser. That's all we are. F*ck 16-0, we're just Super Bowl losers!"

Acceptance: "At the Red Sox are playing well."

I can't say what it was like for every other NFL fan (particularly those in the AFC), because there are no documented phases of euphoria. But ask yourselves, do you really want to win this way? Yeah, I know you do.

Baseball is Still on Too, You Know!

Yesterday, while the entire universe was watching football, I was watching the #2 pitcher on one of the worst teams in baseball almost throw a perfect game. The Padres' Chris Young had a no-no through the 7th inning. Everything was looking good. CY was pitching like a machine (throwing only, like, 7 pitches in the 6th inning), no one was talking or even looking at him in the dugout (apparently Jake Peavy went into the clubhouse and wouldn't come back out), excitement was building (in my apartment anyway).

Then, effing Tony Gwynn...freaking "Mr. Padre"...announces in the bottom of the 7th, "Hey! Chris Young is throwing a perfect game. There's never been a perfect game in Padres history. blah, blah, blah. I'm Tony Gwynn and I don't know when to shut up." Then, the idiot that is Steve Quis joined in, "I'm glad you said it Tony. People are very superstitious about baseball, but we need to report what's happening on the field because people are apparently morons and can't simply look at the box score to see what's happeneing." Then, and you're gonna be totally shocked when you hear this, Chris Young came out in the top of the 8th and gave up a Home Run to the second batter he faced.

CY still acompished something major. He showed he's still got some serious stuff and I was proud of the Padres for an afternoon, but Tony Gwynn is dead to me for at least a week.

Thank (insert diety here) NFL Football is starting!!!

It's one of the few things that keep me (and 80% of other American working males) from turning into this guy:



Don't you just hate it when your Jamba Juice doesn't look like the one in the picture?

And it's not even pink!

I'm having hat issues.

As all 9 of our readers know, I grew up in the Boston area and am a huge Red Sox fan. But I've been living in San Diego for 3 years now, and since I'm here, I go to a lot of Padres games. The Padres play in the National League, and lately have been pretty terrible, so I didn't have much of quandry about cheering for them. The one time they played the Sox in interleague, I rooted for close games, ultimately won by the Sox.

But on Friday night, I took it to a new level. I bought a Padres hat. It looks like the one pictured above, except instead of a white front, it that "sand" color of the Pads away uniforms. It cost about $25 and fits my head like a glove.

I wore it the next morning on a coffee run, and instantly felt weird about it. Like I was cheating. Now its sitting on top of my dresser, taunting me. A harlot trying to temp me away from my myriad Red Sox caps.

Did I make a huge mistake? Am I just an over-analytical freak? Are you really still reading this? I can't decide if I've made commited a huge act of betrayal or not here. Help me Pink Hat Nation, you're my only hope.