Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Rocket Implodes

The most recent plot twist in the B-level soap opera that has become Roger Clemens’ post-baseball life is that he apparently had a 10-year affair with a country singer named Mindy McCready. A few places have called her a “country star,” but my friends who actually listen to country music tell me that’s being pretty generous to the songstress’ career.

At first glance, who cares? A Major League Baseball player cheating on his wife isn’t exactly something worth stopping the presses over. But here's the kicker: Apparently Ms. McCready was only 15 when she first got involved with The Rocket’s Rocke…. you know what, I’m too grossed out to even finish that pun.

So now Clemens is: (a) a cheater, (b) a liar, (c) an adulterer, (d) a statutory rapist and (e) a man over 21 with frosted tips. Allegedly. Way to go from sure-fire first ballot Hall of Famer to The Male Lead in Every Lifetime Television Movie Ever Made, Roger. The K Kids must be proud.*

*The author has personal issues with Clemens dating back to his days with the Red Sox when his numbers declined, he showed up to spring training out of shape for 4 years straight, then got mad when the Sox wouldn't give him what, at the time, would have been the biggest contract ever for a pitcher. He then proceded to go to Toronto, show up in the best shape of his life and win a Cy Young. See that picture on his Rookie Card in the upper right hand corner? The author enjoys looking at it and telling the smug young man in the picture, "Just wait, buddy. Just wait." The author acknowledges this makes her insane.


Dave H said...

Ha, insanity reigns here at PHN.

Looking back, making my mom buy that card for me for Christmas was not smart.

Liz said...

You just should have sold it when he retired (the first time) and it was a peak value. If you still have it now ... well, it could have a kind of ironic value, right?

Dave H said...

LOL, I think the book value is at like $20 now.

The plan was to sell it when he gets into the Hall of Fame, but now I'm just gonna use it as a coaster.